Sometimes, one of the most challenging things about being a caregiver is simply talking to the person that you’re caring for.
This is especially true for patients who have dementia, especially as they can be unpredictable and you don’t always know how much they are understanding.
To make matters worse, there is no single approach that works every time. Often, you will find that you have to vary some things depending on the situation and what is needed at that point in time. Likewise, you may find that some of the advice for talking to a person with dementia simply doesn’t apply to your situation.
Because of this, people often try to figure out how to talk to a parent with dementia. Certainly, the process isn’t easy but it is achievable.
To help you figure out how to talk to a parent with dementia, we’ve developed a list of 6 powerful tips that can make things easier. Certainly, these tips won’t be effective all of the time and sometimes you will find that conversations go badly no matter what. Nevertheless, tips like this can increase the likelihood of a conversation going well, which certainly makes them worth trying out.
In fact, these approaches are often helpful when you are caregiving for seniors in general, regardless of whether or not they have dementia.
1. Avoid Pointless Debates
When I was helping to care for my mother-in-law, one thing that I noticed was that there were some arguments or debates where we simply got nowhere.
There were various reasons for this. Sometimes it happened because she stubbornly clung to a perspective, regardless of logic or rationality. Other times, it was because she and I came from very different perspectives and backgrounds, which mean that we did not always see eye-to-eye.
There is an added complexity to this situation when you’re interacting with a patient who has dementia because they may become confused.
At the same time, paranoia and even delusions can also play a role.
My mother-in-law didn’t have dementia but nevertheless, I quickly learned that some topics simply weren’t worth the energy. In many cases, there was little harm in letting her believe what she wanted to, and nothing I said would ultimately have made a difference anyway.
It can be hard to do, especially at first, but I found that the key approach was to pick your battles wisely. It certainly isn’t worth spending a lot of energy arguing about something that isn’t going to really make a difference, especially if that decreases the person’s good will towards you.
Instead, it’s better to focus on the arguments that you can win and the ones that are too important to ignore.
A secondary aspect of this is don’t spend a lot of time correcting the senior or arguing about minor points. Even if you can get somewhere with these arguments, you often end up distracting yourself and the senior from the topic at hand.
2. Avoid Distractions
When you’re talking to seniors with dementia, look for locations where there are few distractions. This means that you want to be in a quiet room and you want to make sure that there isn’t a television playing in the background (even if it is muted) or anything like that.
For people with dementia, focusing on a conversation and understanding it takes a lot of mental effort, so you want to be doing everything you can to make this process easier.
3. Support and Use Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is a powerful tool and it is especially relevant for people with dementia.
On your end, using nonverbal communication can involve smiling and maintaining eye contact.
Doing this can make the process of communicating less stressful for you and your loved one, which can make the entire process easier.
You may also find that nonverbal communication helps the senior to understand.
At the same time, you can promote the use of nonverbal communication in the senior, such as gestures and pointing. Often this can help a senior make their meaning clear, even if they do not know the specific word that they want to use.
4. Stick to One Topic at a Time
Conversations are challenging for seniors with dementia, so talking about multiple topics can be very confusing for them. If you can stick to a single thing at a time in your conversation, then you are much more likely to get somewhere. Plus, taking this approach can be less frustrating for you as well.
This is a key reason why I mentioned not correcting minor points in the conversation. Any time you stop to correct something, you risk entirely derailing the conversation.
From my own experience, I found that it was emotionally draining to let my mother-in-law believe some things but at the same time, it really was necessary. Thankfully, this process did get easier over time.
5. Use Names Often
In conversation, we often skip the part where we use other people’s names. Instead, we might mention a person’s name once and then talk about ‘him’ or ‘her’ for a while. But, this approach can make conversations much more confusing for people with dementia.
Because of this, communication ends up being much more effective when you frequently use names in conversation, using terms like ‘they’ or ‘her’ as little as possible. Admittedly, doing so can feel a little silly at first but the process does help to make communication easier, so it’s worth the effort.
A related approach is to also use the name of the senior often. This can help to refocus the conversation and make communication easier in general.
6. Don’t Be Condescending
When interacting with someone who struggles to understand us, there is a temptation to be condescending. In fact, we often find that we do this without really meaning to.
In contrast, a more effective approach is to speak naturally and calmly, and to be friendly – even when you’re frustrated. Being condescending (such as using baby talk) does nothing at all to improve communication and it’s insulting to the senior. Plus, being condescending can make things a lot worse if the senior takes offense.
At the end of the day, dementia is a challenging disease for caregivers and also for those who suffer from it. There is no simple solution and you will find that some days end up better than others. Nevertheless, these tips can help to make the process of communication that much easier, which certainly makes them worth a try.
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