Powerful New Years Resolutions for Caregivers

The new year is famous as a time for making resolutions, then not keeping any of them. We often give them our best effort, especially in the first month or two, but our plans often quickly fade into the background.

Yet, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make resolutions. The problem is often simply that the resolutions we make are too big and too ambitious. They require a large investment of time and energy, which often isn’t sustainable in our day-to-day lives.

If you’re a caregiver, traditional New Year’s resolutions are likely completely unrealistic.

You probably can’t start a new diet, a gym membership, or go traveling and see the world.

But, that doesn’t make you completely powerless. It simply means you need to think more carefully about the resolutions you make.

Here are some resolutions to get you started. 

New Year’s Resolutions for Caregivers

I Will Be Kind to Myself

Guilt, worry, and self-judgment are familiar patterns for caregivers. It’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough or that you’re getting everything wrong.

Some days it even looks like it, especially when nothing is working right and you seem to keep making the wrong decisions.

It’s crucial to step back and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend.

Remember, there’s no solution to aging. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make the experience peaceful, pain free, and easy for your loved one. Sometimes, no choice will be the right one. Other times, it’s simply impossible to know what’s the best course of action.

Imperfection is part of being a caregiver. It’s part of being human.

So, cut yourself a break.

Now and in the new year, start being kind to yourself instead. Focus on your successes and the support you provide, not the things that seem to be going wrong.

And, hand on my heart, I promise that there are always some good things. Even if you need to look hard for them at times, there are some.

I Will Find a Hobby

If your life is just caregiving, your mental health will start to suffer. We all need things for ourselves. That’s a crucial part of being a human.

Hobbies are a powerful approach, as they’re an activity you can come back to time and time again. Most hobbies also have a sense of progression, so it feels like you’re building something. That feature is perfect for caregiving, as it gives you a sense of progress that you mightn’t have in your day-to-day life.

There are also plenty of good hobbies for caregivers, ones that are realistic in your current role and are actually enjoyable. The trick is to find a hobby that resonates with you and is realistic. You might even find more than one!

I Will Find Social Connection

Caregiving is isolating, sometimes incredibly so.

Old friendships become hard to maintain, as the people you were once close to may not understand what’s happening now or why you have so little time.

And, how can you find new friendships, when most of your time is spent providing care?

Yet, while connection is difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. Social connection is also crucial for mental health, so this is something to prioritize. Here are some tips to get you started.

• Try looking online. While online connections aren’t as powerful as in-person ones, they still have their place. They’re fantastic when you need someone to talk to at a strange hour of the night and can complement your in-person friendships.
• Look at caregiver forums and support groups. These are powerful places to connect to people in a similar situation. Other caregivers will understand what you’re experiencing. They may offer advice or be a compassionate audience to listen to your stresses.
• Consider hobby groups. Some estimates suggest it takes 50 hours of connection for a casual friendship, 90 hours for something deeper, and more than 200 for a close friendship. Hobby groups are a great place to start that process, as you’re seeing the same people regularly, allowing friendships to naturally develop over time. Plus, the focus is often on the chosen hobby, so the social connections aren’t so heavily weighted. 
• Look for variety. Every type of friendship has some value. Casual friends might be great if you want to broaden your life and talk about more than just caregiving, while close friends can share the highs and lows of life with you.
• Be patient. Friendships take time to form and require effort and nurturing. You can’t create a powerful friendship overnight, so you’ll need to be patient and allow things to evolve.
• Be realistic. Friendships are also unpredictable. You don’t know which ones will ultimately blossom or when people will move away. Such changes aren’t a reflection on who you are. They’re simply part of the nature of friendship. Being realistic about this from the beginning can reduce the sense of loss when some friendships simply don’t work out.

I Will Accept Help

Caregivers are often in a strange situation where they want and need help, but struggle to accept it.

This sometimes happens because you’re worried that the person helping won’t get it right. Like, if there are specific routines when you take a loved one out for a walk, someone else won’t possibly get everything right.

If this is the case, you may need to let go a little.

Recognize that things won’t be perfect when someone else does them – and that’s okay. Most of the time, other people simply do things differently. Their way isn’t necessarily better or worse, just different.

They may also need time to learn what your loved one needs, as you did. That’s okay too.

Things might go wrong if someone else is providing care for a little, that’s true. Then again, things can always go wrong. Life isn’t something we can control.

Alternatively, the help offered might not be what you want.

Perhaps you want something to provide respite care or to be with your aging parent for a while, but friends are mostly offering a little money or to drop by some food.

Say yes anyway.

Anything that makes your life a little easier is worth accepting. Some people will be limited in the help they can provide anyway. Perhaps they’re just doing what they can.

Remember Other Types of Help

There are many types of support out there, including financial aid, respite care, local senior center programs, and discounts for seniors.

It does take time to step through these options and find the right one for you, but you can simply go at your pace. Local senior centers are an excellent place to begin. Staff will often know about appropriate programs in your area. They may even be able to look out for opportunities that fit your needs. 

I Will Find New Tools and Techniques

Relying on other people isn’t the only option. There are plenty of tools and technologies that can make caregiving so much easier. Some help you directly, while others may help the person you’re supporting – making your caregiving role easier in the process.

These are often overlooked, as many caregivers are unaware of the options that exist. We’ve highlighted a large number in a previous post, including options like grip rails, adaptive clothing, transfer benches, medication management systems, and much more.

There are also many products designed for specific needs, like seat raisers. These can make it easier to stand after sitting. Even a basic cane can make a world of difference.

Even if your budget is tight or you don’t think tools are needed – take the time to look.

You’ll be surprised at how much of a difference the right tool can make.

I Will Adjust My Expectations

Finally, let’s talk about expectations.

The expectations you have of yourself and the senior can color your experience, potentially increasing your guilt or making everything more distressing. Perhaps you feel like you’re never doing enough or you wish life could go back to the way it was.

Adjusting your expectations can make things a little easier, creating more space for things to be as they are, whatever that looks like. Here are some aspects to consider:

• Caregiving is typically a losing battle. You’re supporting someone who is aging and/or has a significant health condition. They’ll typically get worse over time, even if you do everything ‘perfectly’.
• You don’t know what will happen. Aging and health are incredibly unpredictable. You can’t possibly know how things will go in the future or how different decisions will play out. All you can do is make the best decisions at the time. Try not to beat yourself up if the decision doesn’t work as well as you hoped. Who knows whether the alternative options would have even been better?
• You’re learning on the job. Most family caregivers have minimal training and are learning as they go. This inevitably leads to some mistakes, especially if the senior’s health changes suddenly. But honestly, even fully trained caregivers get things wrong sometimes. You’re doing an amazing job for the amount of training you have (and the number of other balls you’re juggling).
• Differences of opinion are common. There’s often no single ‘right’ way to do something and our perspectives of the best approach are influenced by experiences, values, and other factors. Honest conversations can help smooth differences, but even then, you may face some family drama.
• You can’t do everything. You still need to take the time to meet your own needs. Failing to do so has negative implications for you and your family members in the long term.

Choosing to be kind to yourself and realistic about these areas can help to decrease stress and improve your ability to cope.

Final Thoughts

Whatever decisions you make, it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself.

One of the biggest mistakes with New Year’s resolutions is to try and do too much too quickly. Authentic change takes time. You’re most likely to see success through small and sustainable steps, rather than ambitious goals.