As Ilene Nathanson notes in the introduction to Caregiving Confidential, sometimes the most powerful thing for caregivers isn’t advice, but having a friend alongside that really understands the complexity of the role and all the emotions that go along with it.
That focus is part of the reason for this Caregiving Confidential review. It’s always nice to find an author that does things differently.
Caregiving Confidential doesn’t literally provide you with a friend, of course, but the book has some of the same effects.
In particular, Ilene aims to validate the decisions the caregiver makes, regardless of what they are, while also talking about the somewhat crazy situations that go along with caregiving.
Such approaches are powerful, as caregivers don’t ever get it perfect.
Of course we don’t. We’re only human.
Yet, caregivers often beat themselves up for their mistakes. There’s a sense that they should have done better. That they should have made different decisions, better decisions. Books that validate caregivers as simply being human are powerful indeed.
What Caregiver Confidential Offers
Let’s dig into it.
Conversations About Motivations
Caregiver Confidential talks about the potential reasons behind some of the actions of seniors. This includes talking about how driving represents independence and the importance of the home as a sense of security.
This is an important topic, as it’s easy for caregivers to be focused on their own perspectives. Sometimes you don’t realize what your parents might be feeling until someone points it out.
A Realistic Look At Caregiving
I love that Caregiving Confidential begins with the idea that caregiving creeps up on you.
This is a crucial point and one that’s often overlooked. Some people choose to be caregivers and know what they’re getting into, but many others simply find themselves in the role instead.
This is sometimes known as role creep, where you start off just answering a simple request, but your responsibilities gradually increase over time. Some adult children find that they say yes to one thing, then before long they’re on 24/7 call for their parents.
I also love how Ilene talks about the difference between the current caregiving environment and the one that our parents grew up in. People are living longer and are doing so with more function than ever before.
A Variety Of Stories
Many caregiving books focus on the story of the author and their caregiving journey. Caregiving Confidential takes a different approach. It provides a variety of interesting stories about aging parents and caregiving.
This approach is helpful, as aging can present in countless ways. The inclusion of multiple stories increases the chance that there are some that relate to your situation.
These stories are also presented in a very relatable light.
With them, it’s easy to understand where seniors are coming from, along with why your role is so challenging.
Covers Important Topics
Caregiving Confidential covers a variety of important caregiving topics, including the home environment, caregiving at home, moving into other environments, the financial aspect, and times when things go a bit bonkers.
The chapter “Going off the Rails of the Crazy Train” is particularly appealing. Many books don’t cover the mental and emotional challenges of caregiving as well as they could.
There is also information about a variety of different situations. For example, there are discussions about how some seniors move into assisted living, others simply downsize, and still others live at home.
Ilene also talks about some topics that aren’t commonly addressed, such as the specific ways there might be paid caregiver conflicts and some interesting family drama details.
She also talks about how paid caregivers respond best to direct engagement, which means that family caregivers are never fully off the hook. Such specifics can help you understand your situation and perhaps find new solutions. If nothing else, they give you some new things to think about.
Includes Creative Solutions
By including various stories, Caregiving Confidential is able to offer creative approaches to problems. This is incredibly helpful, as many caregiving books have a single ‘best practice’ approach.
Having multiple options and ideas helps a lot.
After all, people are very different from each other. They all have their
Busts Some Myths
Most of us have our own ideas about what aging in the United States looks like.
Of course we do. Understanding the state of things involves a considerable amount of research and looking through difficult information. Many people avoid doing so until they absolutely need to. That’s a shame, as the information is often needed much earlier.
Caregiving Confidential talks about many of these areas. This includes a bullet point list of 12 facts adult children need to understand about growing old in the United States.
The Conversational Tone
Caregiving Confidential also has a more conversational tone than many other books in this genre. This makes it easy to read and a bit more enjoyable than normal.
Of course, this feature will appeal to some people more than others. You might find that you love the tone or might find it frustrating. Regardless, it’s nice to find a book that breaks the traditional mold.
Where The Book Is Limited
There are some brilliant features of Caregiving Confidential. But, as with any book, there are downsides too. These are important to understand, as they mean that the book will work well for some people and not for others.
The Focus Is On Narrative, Not Advice
Personally, I love the stories in Caregiver Confidential. They’re an important reminder of what caregiving can feel like.
Still… this mightn’t be the best approach for everyone.
Some readers will be looking for caregiving advice instead, including
The Phrasing
I already talked about the conversation tone of the book, which is fantastic. However, there are places where the phrasing goes the other direction and is a bit complex.
For example:
“Is this greater need to maintain independence a man thing or at least a generational pitfall of masculine socialization? Charles predeceased his stubborn refusal to ‘see’ the error of his ways, narrowly escaping the arguably worse fate of taking along with him some innocent victim, unless you consider the loss of sleep and constant angst of his sister and close friends, who felt powerless to intervene despite the blazing hazard signs”.
The paragraph makes sense. It just requires some effort to understand.
But, remember, this is a book for overwhelmed caregivers. It’s best to keep things simple whenever possible.
Thankfully, the whole book doesn’t read like that. Many other parts are easy to connect with. Some are even a lot of fun.
The Point Sometimes Gets Lost
While there’s a lot I love about this book, I do find myself losing track sometimes.
The style means that there are plenty of anecdotes and personal perspectives throughout the chapters. That includes discussions on the role of women in caregiving and the differences between professional caregiving versus caring for a family member.
All of these points are important, but sometimes they take away from the flow.
If you’re wanting concrete advice, you may need to read this book with a highlighter. This way, you can keep track of the parts you want to come back to.
My Final Caregiver Confidential Review
Caregiver Confidential isn’t what I expected at all.
It’s more conversational than most other caregiving books and has a stronger focus on anecdotes than normal.
Is this a problem? Well… that depends on what you’re looking for.
If you want some ideas and the sense that you’re being heard, then Caregiving Confidential is excellent (you can find it here). It may be one of the best caregiving books from that perspective.
Caregiving Confidential does offer plenty of practical advice. You just need to do a little work to find it.
The style will work well for some people and not for others. You’ll need to decide for yourself.
Personally, I enjoyed the book and learned enough to make it worth the time.
The anecdotes and perspectives are also an important reminder of the complexity of life. Things often don’t go to plan. We all make poor decisions at times.
Most of us know this idea in theory. But, having it reinforced in multiple stories is often incredibly helpful.
Looking For Answers?
There’s only so much we can cover in a single blog post (or even a series!). Sometimes you need to do a deep delve, which is where the right book can be powerful.
Click the button to check out our favorite books for caregivers and why these stand out.
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