Burnout Generation – How Caregivers Can Survive In This Hectic World

Have you heard of the burnout generation? The term comes from a BuzzFeed News article by Anne Helen Peterson, which she has since expanded into an Audible Original called The Burnout Generation and a book called Can’t Even: How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation.

Anne’s work doesn’t focus on caregiving. 

Instead, she’s looking at how burnout happens in places and ways that we don’t expect it to, particularly in millennials and simply in regular day to day life. 

It’s a radical shift. 

Anne’s writing highlights the idea that burnout isn’t just found in intense professions and caring roles. Instead, it can simply be a side effect of living in modern society. 

The topic is highly relevant to caregivers, as it means we’re facing burnout from two distinct sources. It’s no wonder, then, that caregiving has such dramatic impacts on our stress levels. At times, it seems like we simply can’t win.

Thankfully, it’s not all bad news. 

We’re understanding more and more about burnout, including where it comes from and ways we can protect ourselves. 

In this post, we’re digging into some of the unexpected contributors to burnout, including those Anne Helen Peterson has featured in her work. We’ll then talk about how to use this information to empower you. 

What Is Burnout?

Burnout is often simply defined as “complete mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion”. It’s that point where everything feels too big and too heavy. Symptoms of burnout include the following, many of which may look familiar:

• Feeling almost constantly tired 
• A sense of helplessness or defeat
• A cynical view of the world or other people
• Doubt in yourself and your ability to cope
• Feeling overwhelmed
• A sense of detachment 

Burnout is most commonly associated with work, especially for people working in caring professions, like nurses and counselors. This is due to the combination of physical, mental, and emotional stress. 

Family caregivers often experience burnout too. 

They may be at even greater risk than nurses and other professionals, as many family caregivers struggle to get any respite. Sometimes it might seem like you’re on call 24/7.

Other Types Of Burnout

Anne Helen Petersen suggests that burnout can look different. 

For some people, including millennials, the pattern is different. There might not be the same sense of overwhelm, but it can still feel like their lives are constantly on the go. 

Struggling to complete simple tasks is sometimes a good indication of burnout. It suggests that you’re overloaded, even if it doesn’t feel like it. 

Is There a Burnout Generation?

According to Anne Helen Petersen, millennials are the burnout generation. This is partly because of the way they were raised, the high amount of debt, and the financial insecurity that this generation faces.

Still, burnout certainly isn’t limited to millennials. Other generations face plenty of debt and financial insecurity too. It’s better to consider this as a burnout era – a time where burnout is higher than ever before (especially in the wake of COVID-19!).

Where Burnout Comes From

The Hustle Culture

One of Anne Helen Peterson’s big points is the demands placed on us by modern society, including the so-called hustle culture. 

This term often refers to the work environment, but it shifts over into modern life too. It’s basically the idea of being ‘on’ as much as you can. Of always striving for the next thing. On being as productive as you possibly can. 

The hustle culture even makes its way into self-care and hobbies, where some activities are even considered morally superior to others (like reading a book instead of watching TV). 

This culture can mean that you’re always striving for the next big thing, which leads to increased energy and effort – without the time to ever really catch your breath. 

The Self-Care Movement

So, this is ironic. 

In some situations, the modern focus on self-care can actually make burnout worse. This is because self-care has become yet another task we’re meant to do. 

The movement can even end up being surprisingly repressive. 

I often want to scream when a well-meaning friend tells me that walking on the beach or meditating will make everything better. Apparently, the negative ions are a cure for every ill, including depression and overwhelm. 

Sometimes we get so stuck all that is ‘meant’ to make us feel good that we don’t notice that those things don’t help at all. 

Too Many Commitments And Stressors

We live in interesting times. Sometimes it feels like there is just one crisis after another, especially with COVID-19 in the mix. It doesn’t help that the job market and finances are all over the place. 

Caregivers often keenly feel these issues, as they are also dealing with the physical and emotional challenges of caregiving. What’s more, caregivers often have multiple roles. You might be caring for your own children and aging parents, or perhaps you’re working full time. 

Whatever your situation – many of us face chronic sources of stress. These stressors add up, especially when you are dealing with them year after year. 

Not Making Changes

When you’re burnt out, it often feels like there’s little of you left and that life is overwhelming. Yet, many people keep going. It’s like they’ve hit a wall, but instead of using that as a sign to stop, they’ve simply started to scale it instead.

This isn’t so surprising. 

For one thing, it’s hard to prioritize yourself when your whole body feels like it is under attack. For that matter, it can seem impossible to even know what you should do, much less do the thing. 

Many people also fall into the “If I can just…” mindset. 

The idea is that if you can just make it through this bit, this current challenge, then things will be better. Then life will get easier. 

Sometimes this is even true, but often it isn’t at all. Instead, you just hit one crisis after another.  

Caregivers run into this a lot. You might imagine that you can give your all for a year or two, then you will get a rest. Except… some caregiving roles end up spanning multiple years. Perhaps even a decade or more. 

You can’t keep giving your all for that amount of time. I mean, literally, you can’t. You’ll crash apart, which isn’t good for you or the person you support. 

What You Can Do

Make Changes Early

The following sections highlight a variety of approaches you can take to break free of the burnout cycle. But, there’s one golden rule first – make changes early, as early as you can. 

Many of us fall into the trap of waiting. We give as much as we can for as long as we can. We only start doing what we need for us when we’re already feeling overwhelmed. 

Doing so never works well. Recovering from burnout takes a lot of energy and you have no resources left if a crisis hits. 

It’s important to make the changes much earlier than this. If you do so, then recovery is easier and faster. You might even be able to avoid burnout entirely. 

Look For What Helps You

Here’s the thing – we’re all different. Very different. 

So, it’s no surprise that most habits and hobbies work well for some people and poorly for others. Perhaps you find yoga relaxing and refreshing or perhaps you’re constantly stressed in class instead. 

This doesn’t mean that you’ve failed yoga. It might mean that you need to try something else. 

Don’t let anyone tell you what should work for you. Experiment yourself. Pay attention to how your body and emotions respond. 

If you’re not sure, then why not try something new for a little while, like meditation? Give it a few weeks or a month. That gives you enough time to adjust to the practice and see how well it works for you. 

Think About Timing

It’s not just what you do that matters – when you do it is very relevant too. 

For example, if you’re exhausted, you may need to do something relaxing that calms your body down. This could be a bubble bath, gardening, a nice book, or something similar (depending on your preferences). 

Other times, you might need to do the opposite and find something engaging. 

A particularly powerful idea is that of flow state. This is when you’re completely engrossed in a task, so much so that you don’t notice the passage of time. 

Flow states most often occur with activities with just the right amount of difficulty. They need to be challenging enough to engage you, but not so challenging that they frustrate you.  

Slow Down, Where You Can

The hustle culture creates this strong push for bigger, better, faster. 

Yet, continually striving for the next big goal doesn’t necessarily help you. Often, when people reach their big goal, they don’t actually feel much better than before. And, there may yet another ambition over the horizon. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have big goals. 

It’s simply important to think carefully about what these are and why you pursue them. 

Be particularly cautious if you hope that the goal will make you feel happy. As Russ Harris points out in The Happiness Trap, seeking happiness tends to be counterproductive. Looking for happiness can mean that we notice the negative emotions more and that any happiness we feel is tinged with disappointment because it does not last as long as we hope.

Obviously, you can’t control every aspect of your life. You still have responsibilities, especially if you’re a caregiver. 

But, even slowing down a little can sometimes make a world of difference. 

Be Wise About The Little Things

It isn’t always the big tasks that drain us. The small ones can be just as damaging. In a sense, they nickel and dime us, chipping away at little pieces of our energy until we have little left. 

Modern society and the hustle culture play roles here too. 

Think about it. How many times do you feel guilty for not completing a task, like washing dishes straight after a meal or getting the washing out on time? Many of us feel guilty even if we’re literally the only person impacted. 

The little tasks often aren’t even that big of a deal. 

There’s power in cutting down the little tasks, in dropping out the things that don’t matter to you and aren’t helpful at all. 

Take cleaning as an example. You might go from vacuuming the whole house once a week to doing little pieces of vacuuming when you have the energy. Or, for cooking, you might start buying premade sauces to cut your workload down.

Make Better Transitions

In The Third Space, Adam Fraser talks about the importance of transitions.

The idea is that different parts of our lives, like work, home, caregiving, and play, have their own focuses and dramas. It’s easy to carry negative things from one arena to another, like coming home overwhelmed and angry after a hard day of work or spending your whole weekend stressed about work dramas. 

Adam Fraser argues that we need to build transitions into our lives to give ourselves time to swap from one role to another. 

One example is going for a walk before returning home from work or hitting the punch bag at the gym. A husband mentioned in the book simply had an agreed upon ‘no contact’ time when he first came home, which allowed him to get in the right headspace to truly be with his family. 

While The Third Space mostly talks about the transition from work to home, the same principles apply elsewhere. In particular, it can help to make a transition from when you’re acting as a caregiver to when you’re taking time for yourself. 

Such a transition is easier if you don’t live with the person you support. If you are in the same house, you may need to get creative. The video below introduces the concept and may give you some ideas about applying it in your life.

Set Boundaries

I’m sure you know this one – boundaries are essential. They separate us from other people and help to keep us sane. 

But, it’s not just people we need boundaries with. We also need to set boundaries between different parts of our life. Otherwise, we end up working all the time or bouncing between work, caregiving, and little else. 

I get it. Boundaries can be tough, especially if you’re dealing with stubborn parents, ones who won’t take no for an answer. But, it’s still crucial to make these boundaries. Otherwise, you risk ending up in a constant state of burnout. 

Look For Helpful Books

Most of the approaches we’ve talked about are straightforward on the face of it. Yet, sometimes we run into emotional resistance. 

If this is the case for you, try looking for books that reinforce the changes you’re trying to make. This might include a book on boundaries or perhaps one that talks about the value of slowing down. Kristen Neff’s work on self-compassion is always worth a read.  

These could provide valuable information and might also give you extra tools for managing your burnout. 

Even if they don’t, the right book will give you permission to care for yourself. It will give you permission to do things the way you need to, not the way society thinks you should. That type of permission is surprisingly powerful. 

Final Thoughts

Burnout can feel like an overwhelming idea and terms like burnout generation scarcely help matters. 

Yet, all is not lost. 

While the modern self-help industry has some major limitations, it also provides us with a wealth of ideas and techniques. 

Start by looking at what you’re doing and where you’re spending time. What can you cut down? What can you add that brings you to life? 

If you’re finding this difficult, then start small. Even tiny changes make a difference and you can build on them as you go.