The holiday season is fast upon us, with Thanksgiving just around the corner and Christmas soon to follow. These holidays can be an amazing chance to connect with family and to spend time around those that we love.
Yet, at the same time, these holidays are not always easy. Instead, they can often come with additional challenges and complexities, especially for caregivers.
The Extra Workload
At the best of times, caregiving is a challenging role and one that is both physically and mentally draining. Often this can include having to help the person you’re caring for with things like bathing or getting dressed, along with the work involved in keeping the house clean and cooking meals.
The precise workload of caregiving varies considerably from one person and situation to the next – especially as some family members need more care than others. In fact, some caregivers are only involved on a part-time basis (although they face many challenges as well).
But, regardless of your workload, holidays always tend to involve more effort and more energy.
For example, you may find yourself having family round or preparing a special meal. Even if the extra challenges aren’t major, they can add up – especially if you already run down beforehand.
The Emotional Toll
At the same time, the holidays can be an emotional time.
One aspect of this is that the person you’re caring for may no longer view the holiday in the same way. Or, they may not be able to do the same thing.
For example, for some seniors battling dementia, Thanksgiving and Christmas can become just another day. This can mean the holidays have very little significance to them, which can be devastating for caregivers.
In other cases, a senior may be aware of the holidays and even excited.
But, they may not be able to go out and shop for presents or cook a meal. This may be emotionally challenging for you and also for them.
The situation may also make them resentful of the holidays.
Once again, the specific challenges you face will depend on your own circumstances.
But, simple or complex, the holidays are likely to come with some emotional burden.
More than anything, this is simply something that you need to be aware of and plan around. You may not be able to change the emotional impact of the holidays but you can take that impact into account and make sure you focus on self-care a little more.
Be Realistic and Kind to Yourself
When it comes to holidays, we often tend to focus on traditions and on other people. These areas are important but it’s easy to get wrapped up in those perspectives and forget about your own needs.
Caregiving itself is an immense task, one that may seem harder on some days than on others. The holidays can also make many of the processes so much more stressful and difficult.
As a result, it is important to simply take a step back and reevaluate what is important.
For example, it may not be necessary to cook a full traditional Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, especially if you would have to do it on your own. Alternatively, you may be able to find some shortcuts to reduce the workload. That could include getting a family member to become involved or even looking at the option of catering.
Likewise, if you are financially struggling, there may be some options for decreasing costs, such as making handmade presents instead of buying them or reducing the number of presents.
In my own household, my mother-in-law struggled to go out and I was the only one who could take her when she did. Yet, she still wanted to do Christmas surprises for everyone. Achieving that with shopping would have been difficult and left both her and I drained.
However, we found an alternative where she ordered presents through mail order catalogs.
The solution wasn’t ideal but it gave her the joy of shopping for presents, without having the face up to the physical challenges involved with doing so.
It was also a welcome relief on my end, as shopping with my mother-in-law was often a tiring endeavor. That particular solution may not work for many people but, for me, it was a reminder that there are solutions as long as you’re prepared to think outside of the box a little.
In some ways, it can feel like these types of compromises ruin the holidays. But, that’s not really true. What we remember most isn’t really the traditions or the specific meal that we ate. Instead, it’s our time together as families.
If you choose to compromise your own physical or mental health to create the ‘perfect’ holiday then you may even find that you make things worse instead of better. After all, it’s hard to enjoy yourself around family if you’re constantly stressed and worried about getting everything else.
Finally, be kind to yourself.
One of the biggest challenges with caregiving is that people underestimate its impacts. Even if the holidays don’t majorly add to your practical workload, you may still find that they have a significant emotional impact.
It may be tempting to ignore that impact or try to bury it. However, that’s never a good strategy for long-term health and wellbeing.
Instead, try to find ways to take care of your own needs and be realistic about what the holidays mean. They may hurt. They may remind you of how much things have changed and many traditions can no longer follow.
Likewise, you may need to make some changes so that the holidays are practical for yourself and the person you’re caring for.
That’s okay though.
Really, it is.
In fact, you may find that you manage to decrease your stress and create better memories at the same time.
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