How to Change Your Mindset with the New Year

The new year is often a time for reflection and resolutions. It’s a chance to look back on all that’s been and think about what comes next.

Doing this as a caregiver can get a bit overwhelming though.

If you’ve been fully immersed in this role for a while, it might feel like life is just one intense day after another. Or, it might feel like you’re going nowhere, simply spinning your wheels and waiting for things to get better.

Maybe now is the time to do something new.

I know, that might sound like a big ask right now. Stick with me, though, as we’re focusing on a simple idea that can make your life easier.

We Tend To Look Forward

Let’s begin here.

As humans, we tend to focus on the future. We plan and dream, thinking about all we’ll do and how it will come to pass. Some of that planning and dreaming is necessary, otherwise we’d never get anything done.

But, in one way or another, we often spend most of our time focused on the future.

We often get into the habit of waiting for things to change. Of imagining that life will get better when this happens or when that happens, like a new job, a promotion, or a loved one getting better.

Sometimes the change we’re hoping for doesn’t happen. Or, it takes a long time, like when a caregiving role you thought would last a few months is still happening five years down the line.

Other times the desired thing might happen, but it doesn’t make us feel like we expect.

We end up waiting a long time to feel better. And, to be honest, the future rarely makes us feel like we think it’s going to.

This issue isn’t just the case for caregivers. It’s a default for many of us, where we’re normally focusing on what’s next, rather than what’s happening now.

When we focus on what’s next, life becomes a series of big events. One to the next to the next.

This is draining.

It can be demoralizing too. Even if you actually do all the things you hope to, there’s often a sense that life is a constant struggle.

And, when you spend so much time focusing on the big tasks and the next things – you miss so much of life. You’re often not present for what’s happening now.

Why Not Flip The Switch?

So, as we’re entering the new year, why not turn things around?

The goal is to bring the focus in. Back to here and now. Back to day-to-day life and the little things.

Bear with me on this.

At first glance, the idea sounds pretty awful for caregivers. Why would you focus on the present when everything is so difficult? Surely it’s better to focus on the future, to imagine a time when everything is better.

But, here’s the thing.

I don’t know you personally, but I can guarantee that not everything in your life is bad (if you don’t believe me, check out the book The Resilience Project. The author has some fantastic stories and examples about finding joy.

When you start focusing back now, you get the chance to start finding and re-defining those good things.

What You Can Do

A big part of this involves looking at the little moments.

Where is joy in your life currently? If there isn’t much, how can you create it?

Specifically, how can you create it now? This may involve small self-care steps or setting your boundaries more firmly.

If you’re a giver by nature, boundaries can be a tough idea. But, they’re crucial for living a good life. And, if your family members resist your boundaries, take that as a clear sign that those boundaries are urgently needed.

Some caregivers find that they need something of their own. Something that gives meaning to themselves and to their life. Something that has nothing to do with caregiving.

A desire for significance and progress is a part of being human. It’s not something you should squash away for the duration of your caregiving role. Doing so is certain to end badly.

For me, writing a blog was one of the things that helped me stay sane (not this blog, a much older one that talked about mental health and depression). It gave me something to work on and move forward with that I had control over,

These days, dancing, scrapbooking, gift making, and fiction writing are my main go-tos.

Finally, keep things small and simple.

Caregiving is tough, as is the holiday season (especially if you have dementia patients in the family). It’s okay to be kind to yourself – whatever that looks like.