33+ Engaging Conversation Starters with Older Adults

Social connection is a core part of life. It’s how we feel bonded to those around us and can improve our health in many ways. Engaging with others regularly even promotes resilience, mental health, and physical health, making it easier to respond to the challenges that life throws at us.

Loneliness and isolation can be damaging instead, particularly for seniors. Being lonely has been linked to problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, and a decreased immune system, plus higher risk for conditions like depression and anxiety.  

This isn’t surprising, is it? No one likes to feel alone. 

Social connection clearly helps – and it’s something that you can easily do for aging family members. Connection may be as simple as spending time with them, perhaps going for a walk or working on a craft together. 

Talking matters too, which is why we’re focusing on conversation starters with older adults. 

Conversation Starters to Experiment With

Conversation starters can take many forms. Sometimes they focus on the senior, like on their favorite things and particular memories. Such questions can promote nostalgia, helping the older adult to reconnect with positive memories, which then improves their mood and sense of wellbeing. 

Other questions might facilitate connection, like when you’re asking for advice or getting their opinion on a decision. 

It helps to have some general ideas at your fingertips, along with some specific questions. This combination can help you overcome most blocks in a conversation. 

Childhood Related Conversations

A senior’s childhood rarely comes up in casual conversation, yet it was often a precious time, one that has had large impacts on the rest of their life. Asking about their childhood can be fascinating, providing you with valuable stories for yourself and even your children. 

Here are some possible questions and areas: 

• Tell me about your family. What did your parents do? Did you get along with your siblings? 
• Did you move a lot when you were a child?
• What was your childhood home like (or, favorite childhood home, if they moved a lot)?
• Did you enjoy going to school? Do you think it was very different than today? What would you have changed? 
• Did you have many close friends? Who were they? 
• Did you have any special family or holiday traditions? What did you love doing year after year? 
• What did you want to do when you grew up? 

Many questions have simple answers, so try following through until the senior starts getting engaged and interested in the topic. Most of the time one question will naturally lead to another. 

Life History

Other parts of a senior’s life can be fascinating too, including the events that defined them and the ones that were significant for their generation. 

• When did you meet your husband/wife? What happened? Was it love at first sight? 
• What jobs have you had? What was your favorite? 
• Technology seems to be constantly changing. What do you think of all that? Have the changes been helpful? Frustrating? Are they too much? 
• What are the most amazing inventions/products/events that you’ve seen? What feels like it has changed the world? 
• Who did you admire when you were growing up?
• Have there been embarrassing moments in the past that are now funny? What were they?  
• What’s the largest lesson you’ve learned? 

Favorite Things

Favorite things always make for good conversation topics. Not only do they allow both parties to share, but learning about the senior’s favorites could help you to find good gifts for them. 

• What is your favorite book? What have you been reading recently? 
• Do you have a book you recommend? 
• What’s your favorite movie (or TV series)? What could you watch time and time again without getting bored?
• Did you have a favorite toy when you were a kid? 
• What do you love doing? What are your current hobbies? Which do you love the most? 
• What do you wish you could do?
• What’s your favorite meal? Where do you love to eat? 
• If you could do anything, go anywhere, what would you choose?
• What have been the best moments of today? This week? This year? What things stand out?

Other Interesting Topics and Directions

Here are a few things to talk about, ones that don’t easily fit into the previous topics. 

• What do you think is the best age to be? What was your favorite age? 
• What advice did your parents give you? 
• How did you choose your children’s names? Were there other names?  
• What advice would you give a newly married couple? What do you think makes a marriage work? 
• What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? 

Lean Into Their Interests

The conversation starters we’ve been focusing on are all very general. Most could apply to any senior. But, this isn’t the only approach. If you’re talking to a family member, particularly an aging parent, you probably know a lot about them. 

You may also know things about their daily habits, their passions, and more. This information can be used to tailor questions. 

These types of personal questions are incredibly valuable, helping seniors to feel that they matter to you and that you’ve been thinking about them. It’s also easier to have a conversation when you’re talking about something the senior is already passionate about. 

• If they’ve been working on a project or a particular craft, you could ask how it’s going. They may have a finished piece to show you or may be able to talk about what’s going well (or the latest challenge they’re facing). 
• If they watch a TV series regularly, you might ask about it. Not just whether they’re enjoying the show, but also about what’s been happening in it. What are their favorite characters? How are things going for those characters? 
• If they’ve been to the movies recently, out to a show, or to some other event, you might ask about it. How was it? Who was there? What were the highlights? What were the worst bits?
• Social connections are relevant too. If they see the same people regularly, you might ask how those people are doing (e.g. “how is Maude these days?). 
• You can also ask about current events or modern trends. Because older adults were born earlier than many of us, they often have different perspectives.

Why Use Conversation Starters with Older Adults?

So, why take the conversation starter approach anyway? 

You may have been able to have regular conversations with your loved one for most of their life, without needing to think too much about what to say and when. Conversation starters can also feel clunky and artificial, especially at first. 

They can make a big difference though – and there are a few reasons why they’re particularly important when talking to seniors.

Remember too that using conversation starters with older adults is just a way to kick things off. Most of the time you’ll quickly get into the flow of the conversation and only need to return to conversation starters and ideas occasionally.  

1. Their Days Are Often Less Exciting

Conversations often revolve around familiar topics, including what’s been happening, any news, exciting moments, and how we’re feeling. 

There’s often plenty to say when you’re going to work each day, have many different social interactions, and go out regularly. There are all kinds of big and small dramas to relay, plus differences to focus on. 

Many seniors don’t have this anymore. They may spend a lot more time at home and the things they do may feel much less interesting. 

Your family member might even feel like little has changed since you last visited. 

You could regale them with your stories, but that keeps them in a listening position. Some older adults may also find this difficult, especially if they feel like they’re missing out on life. 

Conversation starters are a way of giving the conversation a direction, one that may be less familiar and more engaging. 

2. They May Find Conversations More Difficult

Cognitive decline, low mood, medication side effects, and other issues can affect mental processes. Some practices suddenly become much more difficult, which could include making conversation. 

While many older adults will do just fine, others may start to struggle at finding words or knowing where to begin with a conversation. 

3. They May Be Struggling

Aging comes with plenty of challenges. Seniors are faced with an aging body that may not always respond as they expect it to. They may also be taking medication or be in significant pain. 

Then there are questions about what happens next for them. Perhaps they’re afraid of losing independence and having to rely on other people. Or, maybe they’re worried about death and what happens to their consciousness. 

If they are struggling like this, conversation starters with older adults can help to bring them back into the present moment, to you. 

Doing so also helps to bring them out of themselves, into a more positive space. This may be important for mental health, as it’s easy for people to get lost in the negative, especially if they spend a lot of time on their own. 

4. Conversations Can Easily Get Repetitive

Because seniors don’t have a lot of variation in their lives and might only see you every so often, they may frequently tell you the same stories. This is even more common if they also suffer from memory problems. 

Hearing the same stories time and time again can be frustrating for you, while they might feel insulted that you aren’t interested in what they have to say. 

Rather than mentioning that they repeat themselves, it’s often better to ask questions and steer towards new stories and conversations. Most seniors have plenty of other stories, they just need some encouragement to tap into them. 

How To Have Good Conversations

Conversation starters help to get things going, but they’re not the whole story. There are a few other things to think about too. 

Listen and Be Compassionate

An important part of connection is the sense of feeling heard and understood. This is a valuable gift that you can give your loved one. 

Sometimes, though, the approach can be too much. You might start to feel drained if they are constantly negative or if they rehash the same complaints time and time again. 

A way past this is to listen and be compassionate for a while, acknowledge the pain of what they’re saying, then use conversation starters to redirect them. Perhaps you ask them about a positive memory or something exciting that they’ve got planned. 

This approach can help with their mental health too, by breaking the pattern of focusing on the negative. They may revert to that old thinking pattern once you are gone, but even breaking it for a little every so often could help in the long term. 

Don’t ‘Parent’ Them

Some adult children fall into the trap of acting like their parent’s parent.

This is easy to do, as your parent’s ability to care for themselves often declines with age. They may even rely on you for assistance with bathing or other very personal areas. 

Even if they’re still independent, you might find yourself getting worried and protective. 

But, there is no role reversal in the relationship between you and your parent. They haven’t suddenly become your child. They’re still an adult who has lived a long life and has learned many things along the way. 

They also still have their own opinions – and the right to make bad decisions. 

Acting like their parent isn’t just disrespectful, it also tends to create arguments. 

Do Raise Issues

You may still want to have difficult conversations with an older adult sometimes, like saying you’re worried about their diet or you’re concerned about their safety when driving. 

Such conversations need to be approached with respect and an open mind. That’s the only way that they’ll go well.  

Work Together

When facing challenges, working together can be powerful. You might not know the solution, but together you and your loved one may be able to find one. 

This approach also helps when older adults are being very negative. Sometimes it’s enough to say that you’re willing to work on this, to see what solution can be found. 

Try to Focus on Positive Topics

While there are times you’ll need to talk about difficult things or stressful topics, most of the time, it’s better to focus on the positive. 

Negative conversations can get stressful fast and they can easily affect a senior’s mood for hours or even days. Seniors who spend a lot of time on their own may already have the tendency to focus on the negative. So, why not break that loop as much as you can? 

There are always positive things to talk about. 

Final Thoughts

It would be difficult, if not impossible, to remember all of these conversation starters with older adults. Thankfully, you don’t need to either. 

Most of the time, having a few ideas and possible topics will be more than enough. After all, you’re just trying to kick off a conversation. It will often take a life of its own before too long.