How To Actually Prevent Caregiver Burnout – A Capacity Model

Burnout is a topic that caregivers know all too well. You know that feeling when you have absolutely nothing left to give, but there’s still a huge list of things that needs to be done? Many caregivers live in a constant of near-exhaustion, where they keep going because there seems to be no other option. Doing this often leads to caregiver burnout, which can be awful for you and the person you’re supporting.

In this post, I want to share a model that can help.

It’s one that I’ve been developing for our upcoming book: Caring for Aging Parents Well: How to Set Boundaries, Have Difficult Conversations, and Find the Balance Between Your Needs and Theirs.

The model aims to help caregivers to find a balance in their day-to-day lives. To start working out of a place where they have energy and even joy, rather than constantly drained.

It can also help you to decide when it’s time to support yourself and how to do so well.

Why Self-Care Isn’t Enough

Let’s be honest, self-care advice for caregivers is pretty basic. There are countless lists of self-care activities, including exercise, drinking more water, taking a bath, and keeping a journal (here’s a list of 134 of them!).

But, most self-care advice isn’t time- or task-specific. It doesn’t tell you what to do or when. Instead, you’re simply meant to pick from the list and hope for the best. If you did that, you could end up doing something that isn’t relevant to your needs at all.

Or, perhaps it tells you to take care of yourself when you need to. So, if you need to sleep, sleep. If you need a break, take one.

There are two problems with that idea.

First, it can take time to figure out what you need (the information in this post can help). Sometimes what you truly need isn’t what you thought it was at all.

Second, caregiving often means that you can’t simply stop what you’re doing to support yourself, even when your own needs are desperate. Unless you have access to respite care, you may need to fit your needs around those of your loved one.

This is where the capacity model comes into play.

The Capacity Model

The capacity model assumes that everyone has an innate level of support that they can give other people. How much of this is available at any given time varies, sometimes dramatically.

When you’re highly stressed, for example, you have much less emotional or physical energy for anyone else. Much of your attention goes to trying to respond to your own internal struggles. You can still support someone else and many caregivers do. The problem is that the more stressed you are, the more difficult it is to give to someone else as well – and the cost of doing so becomes progressively higher.

The capacity model uses a scale of 1 to 10, as a rough measure of your level of stress and overwhelm.

When you’re at the low end of the scale, say 1 or 2, you’re in the green zone. This is where you’re doing well, providing support is no big deal and you have plenty of capacity to give to someone else.

As those numbers start to creep up, everything becomes a bit more difficult.

At a 4 or 5, you’re firmly in the orange zone. You may start to notice yourself feeling tired or frustrated more often. Perhaps negative thoughts creep in and you find yourself wishing for time away.

The higher up the scale you get, the more difficult things become. By the time you hit 9 and 10, you’re at close to burnout, which isn’t a good place to be at all.

Now, there might be times where you need to operate out of level 9 or 10 for a while, like during a medical crisis – but it isn’t a place that you can stay in the long-term.

How To Respond To The Levels

The first thing the capacity model gives you is a sense of scale. It provides an idea of how you’re doing and how this shifts over time.

Your position and the changes also help you to see when you need to focus more strongly on supporting yourself.

In particular, the goal is to start increasing self-care when you’re early into the orange section – long before you hit red.

This is the time where it’s easy to skip taking care of yourself, as you often won’t feel like you have any desperate needs at all. I’ve noticed this one myself, many times. When I’m in the orange zone, it’s easy to brush my wants aside and focus on the person that I’m supporting.

But, the more you do that, the more stressed you become – and those levels keep creeping up.

Trying to meet your needs when they’re desperate is one of the worst things you can do – because there’s little margin for error. If something serious happens, then you have little left in you to give. That’s not a good situation to be in.

It’s much better to support yourself often and early. That way, if something serious happens suddenly, you have all the resources you need to be there for the other person.

Ways To Support Yourself

The next thing is to start looking at how different things influence how you feel, particularly your levels of stress and overwhelm.

The goal is to start getting more of the good things into your life, the ones that make you feel better, while also decreasing your exposure to the most draining things.

This doesn’t need to be a perfect process, not even a little. Instead, you’re simply rebalancing. Even just doing this a little can have dramatic effects, especially in the long term.

The following sections highlight key questions and areas to think about, ones that can make your journey much easier.

What Makes You Feel Better?

Self-care lists are actually a good place to start here.

Look for the items on those lists that really jump out at you, then see what they have in common.

You might find that there are a few different categories of things that jump out.

In my own case, for example, the helpful things fall into three categories: relaxing, comforting, and invigorating. They’re all important, but the best one depends on the situation and what needs aren’t being met.

The examples below are all ones that apply to me. Some may apply to you as well and you’ll probably have some different ones too.

• Relaxing: Going for a walk, writing and journaling, time where I know I won’t be interrupted
• Comforting: Using a weighted blanket, having a long shower, curling up under the covers
• Invigorating: Dancing, watching a fun movie, playing computer games, laughing with someone, doing activities with friends, emotional connection

Get Creative If You Need To

Don’t be afraid to get creative when you’re supporting yourself.

It’s too easy to get stuck on the idea that you need something very specific – like a holiday. You might not be able to get your ideal, but most of the time you’ll be able to find something that helps.

Take social connection, for example. While meeting people in person is ideal, this can be very difficult if you’re a full-time caregiver. For the times when you can’t, why not look online instead?

I’m not just talking about talking to a friend or two via Zoom or trawling social media.

People need meaningful connections with others, often through shared interests. Online groups can be a powerful way to find this, particularly if the members are working towards specific goals or on similar tasks.

If you’re a crafter, for example, you might look for a group of like-minded people, perhaps some that talk about new patterns and new ideas.

If you’re religious, perhaps look for an online faith-based group. Some even host online meetings these days.

Caregiver support groups can be powerful too, but they shouldn’t be your main form of social contact. It’s always good to have some connections that have nothing to do with caregiving. That way you can get a more complete break.

What Drains You?

Also think about the things that drain you.

The simple answer here is probably caregiving itself, but let’s get a bit more specific.

What parts of your role are the most challenging for you?

The biggest one for me was probably the unpredictability. The fact that I could, and frequently did, get interrupted at any time of the day or night, without any warning. Not having any safe time to myself was a serious issue and one that made it much harder for me to cope.

The answer would have been to set boundaries.

I was young and didn’t know enough at the time. But, if I had, I would have made some rules, like saying I wasn’t available for anything non-urgent at night or if I said I was going to rest. For urgent matters sure, just not for things that could wait, like my partner wanting a snack.

There are often approaches like that, ways that you lessen the impact of caregiving.

The changes might not feel like much, but they add up. That’s the important thing,

Don’t Rush Things

Finally, be kind to yourself.

You didn’t become overwhelmed or exhausted overnight. It took time for things to get to that point. Equally, it takes time to return to a more balanced place.

If you’re in the midst of caregiving, getting back to balance can feel almost impossible. You’re often in the same situation that stressed you out to begin with – and there isn’t a pause switch.

But, don’t despair.

The trick is to make little changes. To find things that energize you and ways to incorporate them into your life. At the same time, find ways to minimize the rough parts, even just a little.

Bit by bit, day by day, doing so will help to bring you back to a better place in yourself.