How To Talk To Seniors About Assisted Living

At some point, your parents or aging loved ones will reach a time in their lives in which they’ll likely need some special care. Perhaps along with your other personal, professional, and family responsibilities, you may not be able to provide your elderly loved ones with the attention they need. This is where the topic of assisted living may arise.

This is often a sensitive subject to discuss. You want to ensure your elderly loved one’s total safety and comfort while you also want them to spend the remaining years of their lives in the most fulfilling way possible. Fortunately, the option exists for them to live safely and comfortably in a high-quality assisted living facility where they’ll have access to the social and health care they need to enjoy life to the fullest.

Here are some recommendations to consider for this important discussion with your loved ones.

How to Talk About Assisted Living

• Understand the Features, Costs, and Benefits of Assisted Living
• Know What Questions to Ask
• Look Out for Signs
• Prepare a List of Concerns to Discuss
• Research Available Options
• Broach the Subject ASAP
• Choose Ongoing Discussion vs. One-Time Conversation
• Listen and Empathize
• Use Positive Language and a Hopeful Tone
• Discuss What-If Scenarios
• Understand Why Seniors Don’t Want to Leave Home
• Remember That It’s Not Your Decision to Make

Understand the Features, Costs, and Benefits of Assisted Living

Before broaching the subject of assisted living with your senior loved one, conduct some initial research to feel comfortable that you know the fundamentals.

High-quality, professionally staffed assisted living facilities typically provide 24-hour support and access to care. Some of these facilities, also known as residential care or adult care homes, may provide personalized plans based on the needs of each resident.

Many assisted living facilities share structural similarities to single-family homes. Some offer convenient access to on-call healthcare and personal care providers.

Depending on the residents’ needs, some facilities offer special services such as meal preparation, assistance with eating and other activities of daily living (ADL), medication management, personal errands, social activities, and personal housekeeping.

The range of services offered is broad so it’s important to research and ask questions to understand what’s available from various providers.

Know What Questions to Ask

You need to confront difficult questions. The same goes for your elderly loved one. There’s no getting around these vital considerations, so you might as well tackle them head-on. For starters, you need to gauge whether your elderly loved one’s needs are sufficiently taken care of. By that, we mean at all times, and without fail.

While your loved one might answer in the affirmative, hoping to spare you from worry, you need to discern whether that answer is true or not. You also need to look into issues concerning your loved one’s sense of fulfillment and security as an elderly person living independently.

Look Out for Signs

You should only broach the subject of assisted living if there is real concern about the safety and comfort of your elderly loved one. Here, it’s important to look out for signs and to know which signs should be a cause of worry and which conditions are normal for elderly people living independently.

For instance, look out for frequent bruises. That might mean your elderly loved one suffers from chronic accidents, such as falls and slips, which could mean the loss of balance and coordination.

Other telltale signs include recurring memory gaps that lead to physical manifestations like a fridge filled with spoiled food or an unkempt yard.

Prepare a List of Concerns to Discuss

Based on your observations, come up with a list of concerns to bring up with your elderly loved one. The goal here is not to make them feel incapable of looking after themselves. The goal is to convey that you care for their safety and comfort. It’s best to get everyone in the family involved in this discussion, especially if you have siblings.

For example, discuss potential safety concerns you’ve noticed at your elderly loved one’s residence. You might receive some resistance here. Try to understand where that is coming from to avoid hurt feelings.

Research Available Options

When you bring up the subject of assisted living, it’s best to be prepared with a list of available options. That way you can better discuss the idea, including the pros and cons if any. The key is to look for facilities that boast sufficient staff, happy residents, and a well-maintained physical environment. Those three are the exact barometers of an assisted living facility that’s being run successfully.

Discuss your narrowed-down list with your elderly loved one. Highlight the most appealing feature of a facility. Show pictures if you can and see how they react to the idea.

Broach the Subject ASAP

Ideally, you do not wait for a critical medical emergency before raising the subject of assisted living. The best time to discuss the topic is while your elderly loved one still possesses mental acuity to weigh the matter.

While it might be a little awkward, in the end, it will be for everyone’s benefit. You won’t feel like you’re hijacking your elderly loved one’s discretion because they’re still coherent and able to come up with decisions that are entirely their own.

Meanwhile, your loved ones won’t feel like they don’t have any control over the situation because they do. They can choose alternative options if they feel like it.

Choose Ongoing Discussion vs. One-Time Conversation

This is closely related to the previous tip of broaching the subject early. On top of not waiting for a health crisis, you also want to ensure that the discussion about assisted living happens not just once.

The best way to approach it is via sustained conversations over a course of time. This way, all possibilities will be aptly considered including the fact that your elderly loved one might change their mind a couple of times before a definitive decision is made. Do not rush them into making a decision. Remember that while the process is difficult for you, it is even more so for them.

Listen and Empathize

Speaking of the difficulty of the subject, the best you can do is to listen actively. You need to hear what your elderly loved one says so that you do not inadvertently make a misguided decision on their behalf.

This is where empathy comes in. You can’t just feel for your elderly loved one. You must try to feel how it must be living in their shoes. When your loved one shares their anxiety over leaving the home where they lived for decades, don’t invalidate their concerns.

Use Positive Language and a Hopeful Tone

Be careful with the language that you use. Choose a positive language paired with a hopeful tone. Be mindful of non-verbal language, too.

You might be saying something positive about an assisted living facility you recently discovered but your body language betrays anxiety. If your elderly loved one picks up the incongruence between what you’re saying and what you’re showing, they might start to feel as uncertain as you are.

Discuss What-If Scenarios

Perhaps both of your parents are still alive. But they’re aging fast and expectedly so. While it will be a sad conversation, it’s important to start discussing what-if scenarios. That is while both parents are still able to discuss the matter with level-headedness. For example, if one parent dies, should the surviving parent stay at the same house?

Chances are they have already discussed these matters privately. But as their primary caregiver now, you need to be in the know so you can plan accordingly. Assure your parents that whatever decision they come up with, you’ll acknowledge and support them.

Understand Why Seniors Don’t Want to Leave Home

Most seniors will want to stay in their homes, and that’s for understandable reasons. That’s where they built a family. That house is not just a physical structure. It’s a metaphor for the family they raised. Leaving becomes a huge burden.

Also, they fear that wherever they’re going is the place where they’ll eventually die. And that makes an already heavy scenario even heavier.

That’s why it’s important to adequately discuss to your elderly loved one the wonderful things that await them in their new home. There will be fun activities to share with fun people. And they will not be forgotten by their family either.

Remember That It’s Not Your Decision to Make

No matter how sold you are on the idea of an assisted living facility for your elderly loved one, the thing is you’re just a spectator in this potential transition. The final decision lies on the one who will make the transition. So do not rush the process. Nor should you force your loved one into making a decision they can’t fully get behind.

Sending your elderly loved one to an assisted living services facility does not mean you’re betraying their trust. Or that you’re being ungrateful, considering the love and care they gave you when you were the one in need of nurturing. Sometimes it’s the best decision for everyone involved.

Your loved one will have better chances of living a satisfying life within an assisted living community. Meanwhile, you can continue juggling your personal responsibilities so you can financially cater to your elderly loved one’s needs.

While it’s a difficult decision to make, it’s not one you can save for another day. Time is of the essence.

Your loved one will understand. That is, they will if you raise the subject with the sensitivity it deserves.

With the recommendations above, we hope that you’ll be able to go through this conversation in a way that won’t result in heartbreak. Ideally, there will be smiles and genuine acceptance.