How to Find Love After 50 – Tips, Tricks, and Ideas

If you have been following us for a while, then you already know that the world population is aging rapidly, and mature adults are reformulating several areas of their lives and adopting new lifestyles. And, with people living longer, looking for how to find love after 50 just make sense.

That’s not all. The way that older adults seek companionship is also getting a welcome make-over.  Older adults are far more inclined to plunge into the dating scene than ever before – making improving your dating life after 50 entirely possible.

If you’re 50% and have been thinking of rebooting your love life, you are certainly not alone. Here are some quick stats:

• According to the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, as of 2016, 28% of the U.S. population was 55 or older.
• The Pew Research Center’s study shows that 10% of people aged 55 or older are divorced. 
• Plus, AARP just released a poll that shows two-thirds of 65- to 80-year-olds are still interested in sex and 40% of this age group remain sexually active.

How do you navigate yourself in this era to find love, companionship, fun, or a sexual partner (hopefully all the former together) and not feel defeated?

Keep reading to learn the latest tips or skip to the section that interests you the most:

The 50’s are the New 30’s

When we’re talking about how to find love after 50, the first thing to highlight is our history. The older we are, the longer our trail of love affairs and broken hearts. Dating and love are not going to be like it was when we were in our 20s or 30s, creating our first love histories.

We come with baggage.

Some of us will have been through divorces, secured a family law attorney, or dealt with the death of a partner. Even those of us who haven’t may have experienced multiple relationships, each with their own emotional impacts.

We are not the same person that we were then. Neither are the people we are going to meet. Even though we’re clearly different than we were at 30, the 50’s are the new 30’s in plenty of other ways.

Many of us look younger than our chronological age and we pursue interests and activities that were once relegated to much younger people. We switch careers at an age when previous generations were thinking of retirement.

Boomers enjoy more physical and financial health than ever before.

This is great insight! Romance and love life should follow the same trend.

Even so, despite the blessing of being alive in these times of freedom and abundance, dating for mature adults remains somewhat of a mystery, a challenge, and many times leaves the feeling of being “in single wilderness”.

The fear of the unknown, the realization that a lot has changed in the dating process and scene due to technology, and all those insecurities and uncomfortable feelings that rise to the surface can be overwhelming.  You may have reservations in putting yourself out there again for another shot to romance.   

Modern day technology also provides more efficient ways of communicating with our love prospects and seek the resources that help us to get ready to date again, enjoy the process, have lots of fun, and get results! 

Preparing Yourself for the Dating Scene

Attitude is a key component of success in launching yourself back into the game.

Before diving back into the dating pool, do some soul searching. Reflect on your past relationships, as detached as you can, and try to understand what didn’t work, what you were feeling then, what you expected that didn’t happen, and how you may have personally contributed to the end of the relationship.

Ask family or friends you trust for their perspective on it. What did they “see”? Be upfront. You’re looking for a different perspective to expand your views. Don’t be afraid of tough love, but don’t look for flattering Pollyanna’s positivity either. Ask for insights that can help you to become aware of blind spots.

Really Think About What You Need to be Happy

One of the best things about modern dating is how much easier it is to find exactly what you want in a partner. You aren’t just limited to who you might bump into out in public or other singles that are friends of friends.

If you have a hobby that you love, like hiking, there are many different Meetup groups for singles with the same interests. There are now tons of tools at your disposal that make dating much easier and less stressful. 

You can opt for dating apps on your Smartphone, or browse websites devoted to providing time tested dating advice for men and women and reviews of online dating sites and apps. It doesn’t matter what you’re looking for there are many more ways to find it than you probably realize.

Think about what you are looking for. Create your vision of what would be a fulfilling relationship for you at this juncture, looking for fundamental traits that are essential to make you feel that you are in a positive, healthy relationship.

This process shouldn’t create something that looks like a shopping list. It’s not a matter of creating a particular profile of other people, but rather a clear view of what a partner can contribute to meet your needs and wants.  

The more clarity you have about what would work for you personally, the better your chances of finding the right person that fits and matches you.

Don’t Let Rejection Bring You Down

The feeling of rejection is one of the most common and natural risks of dating – and it’s certain to happen at least once. Being turned down is never enjoyable, especially if you felt a spark towards that person.  

It can feel deeply personal when this happens as if rejection means that there is something wrong with you as an individual. There isn’t.

Here’s the thing. We’re talking about how to find love after 50. Some heartbreak along the way is inevitable.

Everyone has their own interests and baggage. There are many reasons why it might seem like someone rejects you. It can be difficult to read another’s intentions. Most of the time the rejection has little to do with you. It’s much more to do with that individual’s own history.

Even if that partner is honest about their hang-ups with your budding relationship, there is not point in sulking over what you could have ‘done better’, ‘been better’ or ‘tried harder’. Rejection simply means that the person and you were not a good match.

People are so very different than one another. It’s no wonder that it takes time and effort to find a relationship that truly works.

And, here’s the most critical thing to remember, it’s only a date or a handful of dates. If it doesn’t work out, that’s okay.  The sooner you know, the better.

Be Happy With Yourself

Don’t try to hide your history; instead, honor your history. I know it sounds cliché, but that’s the truth. You don’t have to narrate the history of your life, but just be honest about where you are in life and how you got there when the right moment comes.

Building a relationship on lies never works well in the long-term. The truth always comes out sooner or later and lies will damage any relationship.

Don’t worry about age. Date like you’re 50. Because you are. Embrace it. Don’t try to look, dress, or talk like you’re 30. You don’t need to.

Respect your looks and your behavior, and absolutely expect the same of your date. Make an effort, if necessary, to be your authentic self.

Be respectful of the occasion remaining present in the conversation, being a good listener, and keeping things in perspective.

You may feel a little out of place dating. Be kind to yourself.  Don’t let your misgivings shape your experience. The exciting part of dating at 50+ is that you are totally in control of developing your dating adventure as you want it to be.

Stay positive and be confident and it will go a long way. Restarting in your life is a wonderful thing, be proud of your positive outlook in life. Time to let shine your excitement for reinventing yourself.

Keep Friends and Family Members Close

It may feel embarrassing, but letting your loved ones know you are ready to date again may lead to some possibilities.

Friends of a friend, colleagues, neighbors. Invitations to meet-ups or happy hours. Birthday parties. Not long ago, that’s how people used to meet new people.

Keeping friends and family close also gives you the necessary doses of affection when you are out of a relationship or feeling lonely. Having an abundant personal life, and people you can confide or rely on increases your self-assurance and reduces the anxiety that sometimes comes with dating.  

Self-Care for Dating

Let the energy and power of looking like you right now shine!  It’s fine to use some techniques to look like your best possible self.

We all go through physical changes at 50+. Hair, weight changes, a few more sun spots. Don’t compare them to your younger self. Don’t feel sorry for not being young. Show up owing your experience, accomplishments, and life scares.  You’re not alone. It’s certain your date looked himself over several times with some degree of insecurity before walking out the door.

It’s attractive to feel the power of confidence, and that includes feeling comfortable in your own skin and being proud of the way our looks have evolved. Self-confidence is still one of the most attractive traits we look for in another person.

A little narcissism and self-love are healthy! Pampering yourself to look younger will reboot your energy and motivation. Take advantage of the natural balance age brings taking care of your whole self: physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Use and abuse all the resources and bits of advice available on the web to freshen up your wardrobe, your hairstyle, your make up. Take this article from EBY for an instance, where you can learn about the different types of underwear you can use for your dates. Don’t succumb to Botox and fillers. People can spot that a mile away, and they don’t often add effect you were expecting. Plus, they are short-lived and expensive to maintain.

Pinterest, fashion blogs for women (or for stylish men), and YouTube can be your best friends. They are full of how to’s and tips for all ages, shapes, tastes, and pockets!

You don’t have to look like you are trying too hard. Add some edge to your looks. Stand out of the crowd using colors, accessories, highlighting your waist up, potentiating the sex appeal of your natural hair.

Look for the right angle, the best light to brighten your smile and eyes. Makeup and statement glasses are a great wide-awake look. You can show off your best right now and keep the rest for yourself.

Understanding the New Ways of Dating

Like it or not, we can’t talk about how to find love after 50 without highlighting technology. Apps and websites have become a key part of the modern dating landscape.

While it is still entirely possible to meet people the old-fashioned way, being online offers the chance for many more connections, ones that you might not find otherwise.   

Clearly, online dating has become very appealing for many singles; over 49 million people have tried online dating.

The stigma that online dating is for young people has totally fallen off. People
in their late 50s and early 60s are one of the most substantial growing
segments in online dating.

Anyone can find the right site or app (thousands of them) to search for potential dates. There are many customization options, allowing you to look based on age, location, interests, beliefs, and anything else that occurs to you – making it easier to meet somebody without actually having to go out (unless you want to).

However, it’s essential to have a combination of online and face-to-face dates. The online environment alone will only give you a partial picture of a person.

Technology, Gender, and Dating

Online dating has also changed the way women approach meeting a partner. The outdated dating “rules” like waiting for men taking the initiative just don’t have a place in online dating.

The same is now true if you’re dating in the offline world. Gender expectations with dating are becoming less common, giving women more power and providing potential couples with many more options. 

This means that women can, and often should, make the first move when it comes to dating. Many men on dating sites (especially those 50+) actually appreciate women sending the first message or asking for a date. It also boosts their confidence, and they think it is nice to know you are interested in them.

Things to Be Aware Of

Like anything else new we incorporate in our lives, educating ourselves in the specifics of online dating is important.

Even though the majority of mature singles don’t play games anymore like waiting three days to text after a date or being “unavailable” to perk interest, online dating is famous for some patterns.  Mellenials have fun terms for these behaviors, such as the following:

• “Ghosting” – ending a relationship with someone by cutting off communication without explanation
• “Breadcrumbing” – sending someone enough messages to keep them interested, but not enough to be committed
• Serial dating – people that are hooked by the process of dating new people
• Pen pals – lots of texts, messages, but never face to face or even a call 

Those ways to gain power in a relationship is something that most of us mature adults will see right through.

Be safe. Despite its benefits, technology has also made things easier for identity theft or scams. Online dating has also opened the door for that.

You can take several measures to ensure your dating experience is safe.

• Create a new email account just for online dating communications.
• Don’t share personal or financial information on your profile.
• Choose a public space for first dates and do a Google search on them before meeting up.
• Share his or her info with a friend or family member, and let them know where you’re going to be on your date and the expected time to get home.
• Be wary about unusual requests and strong emotional connections from people that you know online only. Scammers use the online environment to manipulate, trying to trick victims into sending money or personal information. Some will take advantage of romance, due to the strong emotions that it evokes.

Strategies for a Strong Online Profile

You’ll discover that the one key to be successful is to have a strong profile. Contrary to what many believe, it is not your photos of “jumping on the sand of a paradisiac beach” that will catch the best candidates.

Some adjectives related to the “best” online profiles are genuine, thoughtful, warm, witty, and energetic. Here are some broad guidelines to write your profile. Yes, you’ll have to take the time to write a profile that really speaks about who you are. This is the most crucial part of your online presence.

• Be honest. Honesty is the best strategy. It filters unwanted candidates
• Keep a friendly, positive tone in your writing and avoid clichés.
• Sound human. You want people to be excited by the person behind the screen.
• Be specific on description; instead of just saying you love to travel, talk about a memorable trip you’ve taken. You love to read? Mention a book that has changed your life.
• Talk about what works in your life without arrogance.
• Think outside the box and try to make it a conversation starter.
• Select your best happy photos. Beautiful doesn’t mean “hot.”
• Be creative to stand out.

Be upfront about your feelings and ask your dates to be the same. Put in your dating profile, mention it in your messages, and on your dates what you are looking for and what you do not want.

Choosing the Right Dating Site(s)

There are more than 2.500 dating sites services in the US alone, and a 1,000 opening every year. How many of those will be relevant for you?

Take your time to do some research and talk to people you know that have been using some of them.

Dating sites are like fashion trends, you don’t have to follow all of them, and not all of them will fit you. Start with the ones that have reviews as the ones that work best for people your age.

Some interesting examples include:

• eHarmony. eHarmony is one of the most popular online dating sites, which is one reason for checking it out. The site boasts more than four million visitors from many different backgrounds. eHarmony also has a personality test aspect, which may make it easier to find potential partners.
• Match.com. This is another one of the big names in the dating world, with more than 25 million members. Match.com has the largest number of 50+-year-old members (partly because of the sheer number of members).
• SeniorMatch. As the name suggests, this site is more selective about members. You need to be at least 45 to join and the profiles are vetted by humans.
• OurTime. This is another site that focuses on people aged 50 and above. The company has a variety of features that you can take advantage of, including a chatroom and search filters.
• Stitch. Stich isn’t actually a dating site. It focuses on activities and companionship for people over 50. This is a more powerful idea in some senses, as you have the chance to connect with people on a social level first. While many of those people may not be interested in romance, the social connections are valuable on their own.

To Find Love after 50, Do The Things That You Love

With the prevalence of technology, it’s easy to forget that we meet people offline too.

In fact, online dating has some severe limitations.

Meeting somebody is much more a matter of exposing ourselves to new things than relying solely on technology.

The first step is to start saying yes to new ideas. A new hobby? Yes. A new dance class? Yes. Going by yourself to an exhibition? Yes. New gym? Yes. Go on a solo holiday, you’ll discover you won’t be “solo” after all. Hike, cook, and wander about your town.

Remember those times when you felt so alive doing new things like moving to a new city or traveling to a new country?

You may have been with your significant other in those times, but an essential ingredient of that enthusiasm was related to the novelty.

The point is to recover the zest for life and love for yourself to be ready when you meet somebody. You might find a romantic interest as part of that process. But, even if you don’t, a renewed passion for life will serve you well when it comes to dating.

What to Expect When You Start Dating

Typically, you will have to go out on several dates with different people before finding a person you think you can have a relationship with. Go to your own pace, take your own time. One size doesn’t fit all.

When you find the “perfect” person – who possesses all the traits and qualities you were searching for – watch out for the rose-colored phase and portrait the full picture of their life and how you would fit into future. 

Consider their interests, family, friends, finances, and values while keeping an open mindset. It’s easier said than done, but at this point you have done your job, and you are crystal clear about what you are looking for and why you are looking for it.

New relationships bring changes and new social circles. It happens in every sphere of our life: work, friends, when you move to a new city.

Will you adapt to their life? Will they adapt to your life? Are you both flexible and eager to implement some changes and compromise to make possible the relationship?

Be Realistic

If you’re not interested in someone, don’t stick with it just to avoid hurting their feelings. Be kind, gentle, and sweet about it, but most of all, be honest and ask for honesty in return.

Let your expectations be transparent. Filter out people that won’t provide anything positive in your life. You’ll save a lot of time, energy, and disappointments by doing so.  And when people tell you their truths, believe them. 

At the same time, don’t expect your potential mate to be perfect.

Humans are complicated. Every relationship will have some areas of incompatibility, but the best relationships have many more positive aspects than negative ones.

The trick is to think seriously about what you’re looking for and where your priorities lie. In the end, some incompatibilities may be a big deal, while others will mean much less.

This is also one reason to meet people socially, rather than just relying on the internet.

Making social connections and building friendships first gives you the chance to get to know someone, without succumbing to the snap judgments that often come with online dating.  

Expect the Unexpected

Romance rarely goes exactly the way that you think it will. There are often hidden surprises, which could be good, bad or simply unexpected.

Don’t write a person or a situation off simply because they don’t match what you expected to find in a partner.

For example, most people look for age-mates when they start dating, but couples can sometimes have significant age gaps. Age-gap relationships like this are becoming more common and they can be just as high-quality as the relationship between two people of the same age.

Age-gap relationships come with their own challenges and considerations, along with unique advantages.

Another pattern is friendships. Many romantic relationships don’t begin with two people intentionally searching for love. Instead, they can start as a friendship and grow from there.

Be aware of this pattern and pay attention to cues within your own friendships. It may be up to you to make the first move, as some people do not have the confidence to voice what they feel.

Sex in New Relationships

While we’re talking about what to expect, it’s only appropriate to bring up the topic of sex.

First of all, there is no need to rush to have sex with people you met online. While you’ll probably end up having sex at some point, it’s important to do this in your own timing.

Do not approach sex in this stage of your life as if you “should have sex.”

We’re mature enough to be authentic to our feelings! We have experience, we know what we like and what we don’t.

Think of your new sexual life as something that can turn out to be very gratifying; you can re-discover a whole fascinating sex life after 50+.

Still, there are some important areas to consider:

• Be honest about your health concerns with a new sexual partner.
• Don’t be shy to ask for condoms; it shows consideration for both of you. STD’s still exist. It’s not a thing of the 60ies. In fact, STD’s and HIV are on the rise for older adults.
• Talking about your sexual histories is important too. You’ll both have them. Brushing your past under the carpet isn’t going to help anyone.

Whether you’ve met your partner online or offline, the first time you have sex is likely to be much the same.

Use your common sense. Prepare yourself for the moment with nice underwear, soft skin, lubrication, and strategic lights. You know yourself and your body.

Who doesn’t like to start an erotic date with some wine, a romantic dinner, and an exclusive venue with the right person?

It’s not a matter of fancy; it’s a matter of creating a unique ambiance and mood. Take it slow during sex. Communication and care are more important than performance (right, ladies?).

Ask your partner for his or her likes. As the relationship gets more intimate, be bold, and try new things.

Also, be aware of any physical and/or emotional concerns around sex. Being honest about these can create a safer environment for sex and the chance to move through issues.

• Erections tend to change as men age, so it may take the male longer to become turned on and he may not become as hard as he did in his youth. This is not a cause for concern. In fact, it can promote slower and more intimate lovemaking.
• Some men will experience erectile dysfunction and/or performance issues. Reducing the pressure around sex can help in this area, especially the first time that a couple is together.
• You may need to experiment with positions. While the missionary position tends to be the go-to for many couples, it can be problematic for people with joint pain.
• Remember that sexual intercourse is not the only way to make love. Sensual massage, mutual masturbation, sex toys, touch, and kissing are all just as valid. Such approaches can even create greater intimacy than the act of intercourse itself.

A Final Word on How to Find Love After 50

Being in your 50’s can sometimes feel like the end of the road for dating. I’ve heard many people say that they’re ‘too old’ to date. Nonsense!

Men and women both get caught in this trap. They assume that they have little hope in the dating field, while their potential mates end up feeling exactly the same way.

Yet, those who do get involved in dating after 50 often find a new lease of life. For that matter, dating later in life offers many advantages. You have experience behind you and may have already raised a family.

Now’s the time to enjoy yourself and grow.

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