The Unique Strengths and Challenges of Millennial Caregivers

What do you imagine when we say the word millennial? For some, the term is still a catchphrase for anyone younger than 20 or so.

Yet, the millennial generation isn’t so young anymore. Most definitions pin the generation as those born between 1981 to 1996. That puts millennials as being somewhere between 26 and 41.

I was born in 1986, so I’m firmly in the millennial camp myself – as are many others like me.

Millennials are of the age to be buying houses (at least, in theory) and raising families. But, many find that they’re also caregivers for aging family members. In fact, as many as 1 in 4 caregivers may be millennials. 

This is a huge group.

What’s more, millennial caregivers face some different challenges than older caregivers. They also have some interesting ideas and new ways to cope with the stresses of caregiving.

So, let’s talk about what it means to be a millennial caregiver – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Why Millennial Caregivers Often Struggle

Let’s start with the negative things. That’s no fun, I know, but it means we can then talk about how to make things better.

Start with the bad news and finish with the good. That’s the best way for mental health, right?

Finances Aren’t Great

Many millennials are in a rough spot financially.

This isn’t because they’ve been slack with money or prioritizing fun over serious adult responsibilities – not at all. Instead, millennials were born into a tough financial environment, one that has not improved.

Take education. The cost of getting a degree is extremely high these days, but we’re still told that we need one to succeed in a career (which isn’t always the case). Because of this, millennials often enter the workplace with huge student loans, ones they struggle to pay off.

Jobs are less reliable too.

Gone are the days when companies were loyal to employees or where you could expect a 20+ year career at a company. These days, you might get laid off with barely any notice or get consistently paid the bare minimum.

Add to that a challenging economy, high house prices, a growing cost of living, and limited savings – and it’s no wonder that millennials aren’t doing so well.

What’s more, owning a house and having a stable long-term career allow people to weather financial storms. Millennials often don’t have this ability, which makes life much less secure and more overwhelming.

Millennials Are Often Sandwich Caregivers

Millennial caregivers often aren’t just supporting aging parents or a disabled family member.

Many also fall into the category of sandwich caregivers. This means that they’re supporting two groups of people at once, often aging parents and their own young children.

Each of these roles can be challenging and draining on its own. Trying to do both together makes everything even more overwhelming.

Some caregivers in this position are also trying to hold down a full-time job. There are other things to think about too, like finances and the relationship with their spouse. It’s no wonder that burnout is so common. There’s simply not enough energy to go around.

Being a sandwich caregiver can also feel like a constant tradeoff. For example, it may often feel like you’re choosing between your kids and your aging parents. Perhaps you’re not able to give either group all the support they need.

If this is the case, you’re probably not supporting your own needs well either. 

The Long-Term Effects Can Be Dramatic

There are also the long-term outcomes of caregiving to consider.

For one thing, caregivers often find that their own physical and mental health suffers. Some caregivers even end up sicker than the people they were supporting.

Because of this, it can take many years to recover from the physical and emotional strain of caregiving. What’s more, some of the effects may never go away.

There’s also opportunity loss.

For example, caregivers often miss out on job promotions, entire careers, education, romances, marriage, the chance to save for retirement, and other opportunities. This is particularly true if you’re a full-time caregiver who lives with the person you’re supporting.

Such losses are particularly notable for millennials, as they’re in the establishment phase of their life. This window is when many people are growing their careers, buying homes, and developing long-term relationships.

Being a caregiver may mean you’re doing everything later – which is tough.

I’ve found this one myself and I was in my late 20s when my partner died and had to essentially start from the beginning again. No job. No house. Living with my parents.

While I found my feet again, it often feels like I’m a few steps behind the average for my generation and that I can’t catch up. At times, that pattern can be pretty disheartening.

The Role May Be Unexpected

Caregiving often seems like something that happens later in life. Like, perhaps being 50 or 55, caring for parents who are now in their 80s.

If you’re a caregiver at 30 or 35, the role was probably unexpected.

Perhaps you’re caring for a spouse rather than a parent. Or, your parent may have been diagnosed with a chronic condition and needs help much earlier than anticipated. Alternatively, you might be caring for a grandparent or a different older family member.

The unexpected nature of the role is notable.

When caregiving comes out of the blue, it’s easy to feel knocked off balance. You may have a sense that life is incredibly unfair. That you’re missing out on what life could have been or should have been.

Not all unexpected caregivers feel this way, but many do.

In contrast, when you expect the role, you have some sense of the challenges you’re likely to face. This makes it much easier to appreciate all the good aspects of the role. 

Where Millennial Caregivers Start to Shine

It’s not all bad news.

While millennial caregivers are faced with some notable disadvantages, they have strengths too, including the following.

Self-Awareness

Many millennials are intimately familiar with the self-help culture. It’s hard not to be. We also grew up in a world that’s been increasingly focused on mental health, emotional well-being, and personal growth.

Those arenas mean that many of us have plenty of tools for improving our mental well-being, being resilient, and finding a new path when we need to.

This is quite different from the generations that were taught to simply put on a brave face.

The self-help movement does have some problems, that must be said. But, as long as you’re wise about the practices you follow, the benefits far outweigh the issues.

We’re Online Citizens

We also tend to be dab hands at finding information online. That makes it easy to find up-to-date information on whatever caregiving challenges crop up.

This also opens up doors for social support, like online forums.

Personally, I spent a ton of time chatting online in my youth. Even in my 20s, some of my closest friends were people I had never met. I still have people I talk to regularly that I might not ever meet in person.

This isn’t the case for all millennials, of course (we’re a big group!). Still, on average, our connection with technology is stronger than the generations that went before.

Plus, there’s a lot of information online, including forums, sites that talk about forums, eBooks, audiobooks, and much more. You might not be able to find the answer to every question online, but you’re likely to find some information.

We’re Good at Having Fun

There’s an interesting debate about millennials and growing up.

Seriously. There are dozens of articles about millennials refusing to grow up and whether that’s unhealthy.

Millennials seem to confuse older generations in this sense, as many of us hold onto the passions and joy of our youth. Like, all the millennials who still know (and care about!) which Harry Potter house they’d be in.

Like those of us who flocked to see movies like Sonic the Hedgehog or the many millennials who read graphic novels and comic books, and even attend conventions – fully dressed as the characters we love.

One ‘reason’ for this pattern is that many of the regular trappings of adulthood are much harder to attain these days. As we mentioned earlier, things like a stable job, owning a house, and accumulating wealth are harder now than ever before.

If we can’t do that, why not focus on being happy?

An explanation that I like better is that millennials (and younger generations) are starting to see through the 9-to-5 capitalism model. We’re starting to question the point of being an adult, if doing so means being serious all the time.

Besides, let’s be honest, the refusal to grow up isn’t unique to millennials. The idea is simply getting more common.

Some of us talk about the idea as adulting (versus not adulting). It’s a kinder and simpler way to live. Notably, it’s a lot easier to enjoy life when nothing is off limits. When watching cartoons at 30 isn’t a big problem at all.

Such patterns mean that it’s easier to have fun, even in the middle of caregiving.

Personally, I played online games (World of Warcraft and the like) while I was a caregiver. It was a way of destressing and actually connecting with people – and I didn’t need to leave the house. Often my disabled partner gamed with me. It wasn’t quite the same as going out together, but sometimes it was close.   

We Have More Options to Earn

As we mentioned earlier, millennials face some serious financial challenges. Gone are the days when a career of 20 or more years in the same company was the norm.

Jobs aren’t predictable like that anymore. Even a position that seems stable with a ton of growth potential isn’t guaranteed at all.

Still… we have options.

I actually wrote a whole book on this (you can find it here). Who needs a traditional job when you can earn in thousands of different ways?

The gig economy is a great example. Rather than earning through a job, it’s now possible to pick up small pieces of work when you need them. Companies like Uber make this easy, but you can also work entirely online.

I now earn a full-time income that way. Getting to this point took a while, I’ll admit that. But, it’s a powerful idea. After all, traditional jobs are tough when your loved one needs a lot of support. While working online is still challenging (believe me!), it is also flexible in a way that a traditional job can never be.    

It’s not just millennials that can earn this way. Plenty of older and younger people do too. But, millennials are well situated. We have the experience and skills to flex in ways our parents couldn’t.

We’re Often Healthier

By definition, millennial caregivers are relatively young, often somewhere in their 30s.

This makes us younger, healthier, and more resilient than many other caregivers.

Think about it. Some people are providing care to aging parents or spouses when they’re seniors themselves. Or when they have a serious chronic disease of their own to manage.

Now, some of us do have our own health issues and caregiving tends to make them worse. Still, on average millennial caregivers are going to be healthier and have more energy than those providing care in their 50s or 60s.

This is powerful. It can mean fewer health issues as caregivers and potentially a faster recovery when the caregiving journey is over.

Final Thoughts

I’m biased, I’ll admit it.

I was a caregiver in my mid to late 20s. Doing so certainly disrupted my life. I still feel some of the costs these days.

I also feel like my age made it easier in some areas. I was able to earn in non-traditional ways and I was able to find connection and fun in surprising places. Beyond that, I was careful to make sure that caregiving was never the only thing in my life.

Still… regardless of your age, doing well as a caregiver takes work.

Part of that involves finding ways to balance your needs and those of the person you’re caring for. Doing so can be confusing and is often emotionally draining, particularly if you’re supporting an irrational or demanding parent.

Thankfully, there are ways forward.

Part of doing well involves recognizing that you are strong and can change things. Making this mindset shift – from being a victim to being in control – has a huge impact. While doing so won’t solve all your problems overnight, it will put you in a position where you can start to find solutions, ones that actually help.