Caregiving can be a terrifying role. Many people are thrown into it without any previous training or experience. You may not even get any warning either. It’s no wonder that you end up trying to prevent all the mistakes that caregivers make.
There truly are significant mistakes – ones that can impact your own health and the health of your family member. But, as you’ll learn in this article, many of the mistakes aren’t at all what you would expect.
Read on to find out some of the top mistakes that caregivers make at the beginning and what you can do to avoid them.
Mistake #1: Making Promises
It’s tempting to say that you’ll never put your aging mother into assisted living or something similar. In reality, you don’t know what the future holds. There are many things that may make such care essential.
Caregiving is also an intense role. Even if you feel like you have unlimited compassion and love for your family member – caregiving will stretch you in ways that you could never have imagined.
Mistake #2: Not Asking For Help
Many people imagine that they can do it all themselves. If your family member is functional, caregiving might not even sound like such a difficult role.
Don’t be fooled.
The challenges of caregiving add up over time. Asking for help and support from the beginning means that you don’t suddenly get out of your depth.
Think of caregiving as a marathon. The goal isn’t to do as much as you can in the short-term. Instead, you need to make sure that you can be effective in the long-term. This involves some planning, along with focusing on your own needs.
Mistake #3: Underestimating the Challenges
Caregiving can look easy from the outside, especially at the beginning. You might even enjoy it, as you get to spend quality time with your family member.
Even if the tasks are simple, caregiving is an intense role, one that can get challenging quickly. The physical and emotional toll can add up fast – and in unexpected ways.
Take caregiving seriously, right from the beginning. Make sure that you have strategies in place for meeting your own needs too and that you’re realistic about what to expect.
Mistake #4: Failing To Consider All Of The Angles
There are many different aspects to caregiving. This can include having to be involved in your family member’s finances, considering end of life care and making medical decisions. It’s important to think about these complexities early, before they become a significant problem.
After all, things can change quickly.
In some cases, it only takes a single fall (or an
Talking to your family member is a good place to start. Find out what their wants and needs are for the present and for if things change.
You can also think about what is likely to matter if things do change. For example, are you prepared if they can no longer care for themselves? What if they need to go to hospital urgently?
Mistake #5: Not Caring For Yourself
Self-care is one of the most frequently discussed topics in caregiving. The idea is simple. You can’t look after someone else if your own health is suffering.
This means that you need to care for yourself – right from the beginning.
Many self-care steps are obvious. They include things like making sure you eat healthy food, keep your own doctor’s appointments, stay socially engaged, have time to relax and get exercise.
Setting these patterns up from the beginning can make a large difference further down the road, helping to make sure you do meet your own needs.
Now, in fairness, self-care is often easier said than done. There are various simple approaches that you can take, but you may still find that you struggle to meet your own needs.
Perhaps the best piece of advice is to try your best. Keep looking for new ways to care for your needs and continue to make that a priority. The process really is critical and you risk burning out if you don’t.
Mistake #6: Not Looking Ahead
The future can be scary. Many people don’t want to imagine scenarios like a dementia diagnosis or their family member needing round-the-clock care. It’s much easier to simply close your eyes and focus on the day-to-day.
Ignoring the future is a dangerous approach.
When things change, they tend to do so quickly. You often won’t have time to think or to plan when change does occur. Focusing on things earlier on can make all the difference in the world.
As part of this process, it’s important to talk to others who are involved, such as healthcare providers and lawyers. They may be able to give you advice and direction that can help you stay on the right track.
Mistake #7: Deciding Quickly
Making decisions quickly is another common issue. This might happen when you don’t plan ahead or when something changes suddenly.
The problem with doing so is that you end up making decisions based on emotions and the moment, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
For example, some caregivers end up moving family members to the next best place for them. This might mean going from a large house to a small one, then to an apartment, then somewhere else, eventually ending up in assisted living.
Each of those steps may feel logical at the time. They’re even wise decisions, to a degree. But, they create a situation where your family member needs to move multiple times. The process can be stressful and makes it difficult to settle emotionally.
Mistake #8: Expecting Too Much
In many ways, caregiving is a losing battle. You’re often looking after someone whose health is progressively declining. You’re also limited in how much you can do.
This is important to remember.
You’ll never be able to solve all problems. You won’t always make the right decision either. Sometimes there isn’t even a right decision to make.
Most informal caregivers also have little training and support. There is some focus on improving policies to provide additional support, but such changes will take time.
Regardless of any support, make sure you’re kind to yourself. Expect to make mistakes. Expect to be unsure and to feel overwhelmed. These aspects are simply part of the process.
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