Caregiving is a challenging role at the best of times, one that often makes people struggle. To make matters worse, caregivers often tell themselves certain negative things that cause guilt and increase stress.
Understanding these myths and the truth behind them is more important than most people realize. By shifting to a more positive and realistic point of view, you can begin decreasing your stress levels and see your situation from a more objective point of view.
The sections below highlight key areas that simply aren’t true, along with what you need to consider instead.
‘I’m being selfish’
This was an area that I personally struggled with as a caregiver. It’s easy to think that you’re being selfish any time that you take a little bit of time for yourself or when you prioritize your own needs over someone else’s.
I often found myself thinking that anything I purchased would benefit the person I was caring for more than me.
In some ways, that’s even true. But, thinking like that isn’t a good thing.
For one thing, you shouldn’t be putting yourself last. You’re a human being and you have value. You also have your own needs, including emotional and social needs.
At the same time, denying your own wants and needs can have negative impacts in the long-term. Doing so often increases the risk of burnout. You might end up risking your physical and/or mental health as well.
To be effective in the long-term, you need to focus on your own needs too. This includes making self-care a priority, even if that seems impossible for your situation. There are plenty of small ways to care for yourself and these can have surprisingly large impacts.
‘I should have known better’
As a caregiver, there is often a sense that you should have responded better to a given situation or made a better decision. That might even be true in some cases.
But realistically, it’s impossible to plan for every eventuality. Plus, there will always be some factors that you simply cannot control. Even if you should have known better at the time, beating yourself up about it won’t help you or the person that you’re caring for.
The most powerful thing to do is to take whatever lessons you can from the situation and keep moving forward.
You can also look for advice and guidance from other sources. For example, support groups are great places to learn from other caregivers and how they coped with similar situations. You can also look for online websites and resources. These can provide additional information and may offer you new ways to look at things.
No matter what, remember that you’re only human. No one will ever get every single decision right. That’s simply not possible.
‘I’m not doing enough’
Caregivers often feel like they’re failing, especially when their carees refuse to accept help or when conditions worsen over time. You might also feel this if something significant goes wrong, like a family member with dementia wandering off.
You may also think that you should be spending every free moment caring for your family member. But again, that’s not realistic. Instead, you need to take care of your own needs too. If you don’t do that, your own health will suffer. That’s not good for the person you’re caring for either.
Additionally, chronic conditions and aging often have progressive challenges. As such, they’ll get worse over time.
There’s nothing you can do about this. Care may help the senior to cope or may reduce the risk of complications. But, there is little you can do to prevent the progression of a condition.
In a similar way, you may not be able to force your family member to get the support that they need. Seniors can often be stubborn (for various reasons). Plus, they are individuals with legal rights. As long as they’re still legally considered competent, there is only so much that you can do.
And that’s okay.
‘I shouldn’t feel angry’ (or sad, or any other emotion)
Society tends to teach us that some emotions are acceptable and others aren’t. But, in practice, humans tend to swing through a wide range of emotions – and that’s perfectly normal.
Dwelling on some emotions, like anger, isn’t generally a good plan. But, you’re likely to feel frustrated and even angry from time to time. Many caregivers mention that they often feel neutral towards their carees a good portion of the time. Again, this is perfectly fine and it’s a normal part of the caregiving experience.
Besides, most of us have moments where we feel negatively about our family members during normal life. Caregiving is never going to be an exception to that situation.
‘I’m not a real caregiver’
People involved in part-time caregiving and those supporting a family member who is living remotely often feel like they’re not actually caregiving. After all, those roles don’t involve the same level of intensity of living with someone and taking care of their needs directly.
You might also feel that way if you live with your family member but they’re mostly independent. This may mean that you’re just helping out with a few things.
But, regardless of your role, you are a caregiver.
What’s more, the situation probably places more stress on you than you realize. I’ve often seen this with part-time caregivers, who are genuinely surprised at how stressed and tired they become from the role.
It’s easy to assume that you shouldn’t feel this way. But, any form of caregiving tends to involve significant emotional involvement and the need to tailor what you do around another person’s needs. Those processes involve many challenges that shouldn’t be ignored.
Instead, be kind to yourself and remember that you are doing something challenging.
What about you? Are there any persistent negative thoughts that you experience as a caregiver?
Leave a Reply