Realistic Solutions for Caregiver Social Isolation

Social isolation is a common problem for seniors, one that we’ve discussed multiple times on this blog. Not getting enough social connection can have many flow on effects for mental health and physical health.

The problem isn’t just significant for seniors. A person can be lonely and feel isolated regardless of their age or life situation. Some people experience loneliness even when they do not seem to be socially isolated.

In this post, we’re looking at the area of social connection for caregivers.

The Challenges of Social Connection for Caregivers

When you become a caregiver, it sometimes feel like your entire world shrinks. There often isn’t the time for the social connections that you once had. Even when opportunities do arise, you may feel like you don’t have the energy.

After all, if you feel like you’re running on empty, going out for coffee with an acquaintance can feel almost impossible.

It’s easy to say that caregivers should simply get out more or find other ways to connect. Such recommendations are far too common.

For example, I’ve heard recommendations that caregivers should use FaceTime and similar services to connect with family and friends. The same is true for email and social media.

I’m not arguing with the concept. Technology does provide chances to interact that were never there before. It’s important in many ways.

But, the solution for loneliness and social isolation isn’t as simple as talking to more people.

Many caregivers are already adept with technology. They know how to take advantage of it without any problems.

Part of the challenge is the need to connect at depth. When your day-to-day life is full to the brim of caring for someone else, worrying about their health and trying to juggle time – conversations with many friends suddenly feel very superficial.

It can be challenging, and painful, to hear about someone’s engagement or pregnancy when you can’t remember the last time you had the chance to go to the movies or out for a drink. Sometimes it’s hard to even remember how to hold a conversation, especially if you are tired or overwhelmed.

Research even suggests that poor quality social support can be damaging to physical and mental health. This makes it critical that you find good types of social support.

Finding Solutions

There is no simple solution for the social isolation challenges that caregivers face. Caregiving is an isolating role. Not only are full-time caregivers isolated in a physical sense, but they can also struggle to find close connections.

While friends and family members may be willing to stay in contact, many do not know how to respond to the complexities of a caregiver’s life. Some may find it easier to stay away altogether, while others may avoid topics that threaten to become too emotional.

There are approaches that can be helpful, but these are things that you will need to work at.

Connecting in With Caregivers

One important step for caregivers is to find some people who do understand. Other caregivers, perhaps. You could also turn to people who were caregivers in the past or those who have experience in a similar role, such as nursing.

Such connections may be online. This is very likely if you’re connecting with another caregiver, as they may be physically isolated. Online groups provide access to support whenever it is needed.

Thankfully, there are various online places where you can look for connections.

• Caregiving.com hosts a regular caregiving chat on Twitter. This type of chat can be a good way to connect to other caregivers and to hear about their experiences.
• Facebook has a groups feature and there are many caregiving groups to choose from. Some are private, so you’ll need to request to join. Others are public. Such groups make conversations easy. You’ll often find many different people to talk with. The site Daily Caring offers a list of such support groups that you can join.
• Forums are another places for support. Many large caregiving or senior sites have these, such as Aging Care and Caregiving.com.

You can also find in-person groups. You may need to check in local newspapers and on bulletin boards for these. Searching online for your local area and ‘caregiver support groups’ should turn up some options too.

Why Connect With Caregivers?

This type of connection matters – a lot. It’s so important to be able to talk honestly. To share the nitty gritty challenges that would make no sense to someone on the outside.

Being able to do so can make you feel more human and less alone. For example, staying in touch with other caregivers offers an important reminder that we’re all human.

On your own, it’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough, that you’re making the wrong decisions and that you’re failing. But, when you connect in with others, it becomes much clearer that everyone is muddling along.

Caregivers tend to be underprepared and undertrained for their role – through no fault of their own. And, let’s be realistic. Caregiving is hard. It’s a tough road at the best of times and can be almost unbearable sometimes.

Caregivers may find themselves thinking and feeling all sorts of things that they don’t like. This can include resenting their care recipient, feeling angry and even wishing, on occasion, that their care recipient would die.

Such emotions (and many more) are a natural part of the human condition. They’re common among caregivers and there is nothing wrong with them.

Maintaining connection with other caregivers can truly help you to be empathetic with yourself and to have a broader context for your role.

Connecting With Others

People who haven’t been caregivers may not be able to understand many of the challenges that you’re facing. However, such connections still have advantages.

Connecting in with non-caregivers can be a way to prevent caregiving from being your whole life. With this type of friendship, conversations can focus on other topics, such as your interests and things from your past.

Maintaining friendships can be difficult when you’re a caregiver, but doing so is still possible.

In some cases, you may be able to set up a regular meeting, perhaps every two weeks or every month. This might be a chance to go out to the movies or to simply have a coffee and gossip together.

If your caregiving role is very involved, such meetings might happen less often. Even so, they’re valuable.

Honestly, simply having the chance to go out for a little while and feel human again is incredibly refreshing.

Having Multiple Types of Connections

We’ve talked about caregivers and other types of people for a reason. Having both types of connections in your life can make a huge difference.

This approach means that you are able to get support about the really challenging areas, without trying to get it from people that simply do not understand.

Doing so is easier on your friends too. You could even tell them what you’re looking for – like just the chance to go out every so often.

I was incredibly isolated when I was a caregiver. My partner had few connections where we were and I had none at all. It never occurred to me to look for online support from people in a similar situation. Looking back, I wish that I had known about doing so. It could have made a huge difference.

I did, however, make one social connection. That started out as a woman I hired to give me rides to the grocery store. The connection grew into a friendship, where we also met periodically to go out.

The friendship made a huge difference to me. Even just having one person that I could talk to who was interested in me as a person. That made the caregiving role so much easier.

Watch Out For Toxic Connections

While social connections are important, they’re not all as valuable as each other. Some connections will have negative impacts on you rather than positive ones.

Watch out for people who feel draining, where you feel like you are exhausted after you spend time with them. Another problem is if it seems like you are always having to defend yourself.

If a toxic connection comes a family member, cutting off all contact may not be viable. However, it is still important to manage the connection carefully and to stand firm in yourself.

Remember that a person on the outside does not know what your caregiving experience is like on a day-to-day basis. People often give idealistic advice that they would not be able to follow themselves in your situation.