Frank discussions on aging and sex are far too rare. Health problems and/or unsatisfactory sexual performance can leave men feeling like they have lost their virility, while partners may feel frustrated. The exact age that these issues arise varies depending on the couple and some people experience more problems than others. So today, we’re focusing on sex after 50.
Women face their own challenges too, which can include increased dryness and lower libido.
It’s no surprise then that sex can quickly become a loaded subject, one that is full of stress for men and women. That situation only serves to make matters worse – especially as stress is not helpful for sexual performance.
We’re not just talking about problems with sex after 50 either. We’re also talking about solutions.
For that matter, while sex in your golden years can take on different qualities, it can be just as good, if not better, as when you were younger. This is true even if you’ve only recently begun dating again.
How Erections Change With Age
To kick off with, let’s talk about the guys.
Many men above 50 (and their partners) expect erections to be the same as they were earlier in life. With so many ads for Viagra, herbal supplements, and the like, it’s easy to assume that any changes are a sign of erectile dysfunction (ED).
This often isn’t the case.
For practical purposes, erectile dysfunction can be defined as when a man cannot raise an erection (even one that is semi-firm) after significant masturbation. If a man can become semi-hard or fully hard from masturbation – he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction. You can read more about the problem here.
Instead, the changes are often related to age. Age-related erection changes can occur suddenly or slowly. The following are key patterns:
- The ability to raise an erection from fantasies alone decreases or disappears entirely – making some physical touch/fondling necessary.
- Erections tend to rise more slowly.
- Distractions or anxiety can easily cause the erection to wilt.
- A full erection is often not as firm as it was when the man was younger.
The refractory period (RP) for men also changes. This is the gap in time between orgasm and the next erection. For men in their 40s and above, the RP can easily be several hours.
This lengthened RP can be a problem for men who masturbate regularly. It can mean that they are unable to develop an erection when needed for partner sex.
It Isn’t All Bad
Challenges with erections can be frustrating for sex after 50, but they can make sex better for a couple. Men tend to become aroused more slowly than they did earlier in their life.
This often means longer time spent kissing and cuddling, along with more intimacy overall.
Couples often find that the man’s speed of arousal now matches the woman’s more closely – increasing mutual satisfaction. There may also be more room for experimentation, including an emphasis on areas other than sexual intercourse itself.
Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction isn’t inevitable, but it is a common issue, especially when we’re talking about sex after 50. The likelihood increases with age, as does the severity of the issue.
There are multiple potential causes of erectile dysfunction, so your own history needs to be considered.
Physical factors
Erectile dysfunction in seniors is often the result of physical factors,
Conditions that impact your blood flow can contribute to erectile dysfunction. This includes issues such as atherosclerosis or diabetes.
Heart problems may also cause erectile dysfunction. In fact, erectile dysfunction can be one of the most easily noticeable signs of a potential health problem.
Medication for high blood pressure may also cause issues. There is some suggestion that low blood pressure could contribute to erectile dysfunction as well, although the topic isn’t discussed as frequently.
Psychological factors
Psychological factors are also significant. They are likely to be the key cause of erection problems in younger men.
Some key psychological factors include the following:
- Stress
- Fatigue
- Depression
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Sexual fears
- Performance anxiety
- Rejection by society, family or peers
- Sexual abuse in childhood
- Relationship problems
- Differences in preferences between partners
Identifying and exploring potential causes may help to decrease their impacts. In other cases, it might be necessary to seek therapy or external advice.
How to Improve Erections and Sexual Performance
The main requirements for sex are being aroused and being relaxed. If you are struggling to get or maintain an erection, the issues will be related to one (or both) of these areas.
There are many ways to improve sexual performance. The items below are some of the most significant examples. You can find more by seeing what helps and what doesn’t in your own life.
Exercise regularly and improve fitness. This helps to improve your mood, your muscles and can make you look physically more appealing as well.
Have a healthy lifestyle. An erection relies on blood flow to the penis. Anything that decreases this will have an impact on an erection. This means that it’s important to avoid issues like too much alcohol, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, being overweight and smoking.
Look at your mental health. Erectile dysfunction is a under-recognized side effect of depression (the same is true for erection dissatisfaction). The issues can reinforce one another, as depression and erection challenges can both impact self-esteem. Talking to a therapist may be a key way to improve both outcomes.
Make sure you’re comfortable. Pain isn’t going to help your sex life. You can look for sexual positions that are less of a strain on your body. Pillows can be used for support too.
Plan the timing. When you have sex can make a large difference. Some couples find the morning best, as they have more energy.
Planning sex ahead of time works well for many couples. This helps to avoid issues with the refractory period. However, some couples prefer being spontaneous, so it’s important to find an approach that works for your relationship.
Relax first. Techniques that help you to relax, like having a warm bath and meditation can reduce anxiety and may improve erections. Taking a painkiller ahead of time can be relevant for people who suffer arthritis pain or something similar.
Allow it to take time. Sex may take longer with age, for both males and females. This simply allows more time for pleasure and for exploring.
Troubleshoot medications. Some medications can contribute to sexual challenges, including those that influence blood pressure. If this applies to you, talk to your doctor. They may be able to offer solutions or alternative medications that do not have the same impact.
Find your own path. The assumption that sex ‘should’ be a certain way can be a serious block for couples. There is no ideal way to have sex anyway. Each couple needs to find what works best for them.
Be playful. Sex doesn’t need to be serious. It can be fun, silly or absurd on occasion. Being playful can be a great way to lower stress and increase intimacy.
Look for what arouses you. Arousal can be tricky, especially in long-term relationships. Familiarity can make sex less interesting. In other cases, it may be difficult to work out what arousal triggers are. Spending time paying attention to what arouses you can be a valuable approach.
Sexual Performance and Anxiety
Anxiety can strongly influence erections. When the body is anxious it behaves differently and sex becomes a lower priority.
While anxiety can arise in many ways, performance anxiety is a particularly significant one for sexual performance. In fact, performance anxiety is one of the main causes of erectile dysfunction or dissatisfaction.
This creates a frustrating feedback loop where stress about sexual performance tends to make erections less reliable, which just increases the stress.
Here’s the thing. Erection dissatisfaction is a normal part of aging. Erectile dysfunction isn’t uncommon either. It happens and it doesn’t have any implications for a male’s masculinity.
Sometimes a frank conversation with one’s partner is enough to shift performance anxiety, making sex easier and less stressful. In other cases, men may need to talk to their GP. A GP may be able to suggest a short-term solution that restores performance and confidence.
Ways to Address Other Challenges with Sex after 50
Erectile dysfunction and dissatisfaction aren’t the only problems that arise with sex after 50. Joint pain, medication side effects, dryness, and decreased libido are just some significant factors that can make sex more difficult.
Thankfully, there are approaches that you can take. In fact, sex can end up more enjoyable and intimate in later life than it ever was previously.
Open and Honest Communication
Communication is critical for good sex.
It’s amazing how much pleasure can be increased by partners honestly talking about the things that are most pleasurable for them. This can include specifically asking the partner to do something.
Making specific requests can be embarrassing. It might even seem taboo or selfish. However, the process helps both partners.
Communication also opens the door for experimentation and erotic discovery. Men and women alike are able to have much better sex as a consequence.
Talking honestly can also help with erection challenges. Doing so can help to decrease anxiety surrounding sex. The process also makes it easier to find solutions.
“Real Sex”
The idea of ‘real sex’ is a myth worth busting. Sex doesn’t just include intercourse and orgasm. Those are just two parts to a much larger picture. This is true for sex after 50 and also for sex at any other age.
There are many other ways for couples to play and be intimate with one another. In fact, the best sex often doesn’t involve intercourse at all. Intimate touch, oral sex, mutual masturbation, sex toys, and kissing are just some examples of the pleasure that couples can find.
Taking the focus away from intercourse has its own advantages.
Doing so allows couples to focus more on sensations and to spend more time fully exploring their bodies.
The end result is that sex changes with age, but there’s no reason to think that it should get worse. Even couples who cannot have sexual intercourse at all can still experience incredible sexual connection.
Shifting away from sexual intercourse as the primary goal is also very relevant for erection challenges. By doing so, you can decrease the performance pressure and anxiety.
Sex Really Can Be Better
Despite the potential for physical challenges, sex in later life really can be better than it was when you were younger.
One reason is time. The children have left the nest and many older couples are retired. Such situations mean that there
There is also much more flexibility.
For example, many retired lifestyles allow for interaction throughout the day. This can allow for intimacy and sexual play whenever the mood strikes. Doing so is much less stressful than trying to manage sex at the end of a long work day.
A person’s sexuality also tends to improve with age. People become more self-accepting, more mature and have had the time to heal from any sexual wounds of their youth.
This often provides more confidence in bed and less guilt around sex. Older couples can often communicate better as well, allowing for increased experimentation and awareness of the other person’s pleasure.
Menopause can act as a blessing as well. It means that women don’t need to worry about periods or pregnancy. While the shift is often an emotional one, it also provides some freedom in the bedroom.
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