Solutions for Loneliness in Seniors

No one likes being lonely. It’s an uncomfortable and undesirable situation, one that can be difficult to resolve on its own.

More than that, loneliness has been linked to a variety of health issues, including faster cognitive decline, increased depressive symptoms, unhealthy behaviors, and increased disease risk. In contrast, regular social connection promotes better mental health, can keep people active, and may even lower the risk of cognitive decline.

As a highly vulnerable group, seniors are being isolated more than most, so comments like my mom is lonely and my dad is lonely are becoming even more common.

Today, we’re looking at the importance of loneliness in seniors and how we can make things better.

What Loneliness Is

Before we dig into the solutions for loneliness, we need to talk more about the idea. After all, we can only solve the problem if we understand it.

It’s easy to imagine that lonely people are isolated and have few social connections. That association implies an easy solution – help your parents to find more social connections.

There’s a problem though.

Loneliness and social isolation aren’t strongly linked.

Many lonely people are socially isolated, true, and isolated people are often lonely. But, loneliness is more subjective than that. You could see it as the difference between the connections that a person wants and the ones that they have.

This difference can relate to the number of connections or in the quality of those connections.

For example, someone who values deep connection might not see benefits from more superficial friendships. As such, it’s important to talk and think about what the senior is looking for and where you might find this.

The Case For Connection and Investment

The author Johann Hari makes some interesting points about the idea of sharing something meaningful with other people, in something that goes beyond the friendship hat you’re both invested in.

Faith-based groups are a classic example of this. Here, members may be learning about the Bible, practicing community work, or deepening their faith in other ways. Things like bowling leagues, competitive sports, and gardening co-ops have similar features.

The connection and investment aspects of the groups are powerful for fighting loneliness too.

For one thing, having a shared goal makes group members more likely to come back regularly, creating a stable core for the group. This stability is crucial for developing friendships.

The shared goal helps individuals too, as it stops the focus from being solely on social connections. This means seniors can feel like a meetup was successful, even if the social side of it was lacking in some way.

This can help a lot – as it’s easy to over-examine social connections, looking for where they worked and where they didn’t.

Solutions for Loneliness in Seniors

Increase Family Connections

Many seniors will benefit from more ways to connect with their family, particularly their extended family. There are plenty of ways to do this, including:

• A shared social media chat where people can talk and share photos of grandchildren, events, and the like. This helps seniors to feel like they’re in the loop and brings the whole family closer together.
• Have grandchildren write letters, record video calls, or send gifts regularly.
• Have family members come over for connected activities, like gardening or board games.

Classes, Courses, and Further Education

I know, college education is normally associated with the young. Yet, there are some major benefits for seniors.

First is the social side, as in-person classes give students the chance to connect with each other and form friendships. Older adults in such classes may even act as mentors for other students, helping them with life challenges and other complexities of being a student.  

The social side becomes even more noticeable when pursuing a degree rather than taking a single course.

There is also a sense of purpose and direction with education. The senior is working towards something, likely something they’re interested in. Doing so requires attention in and out of class, which should reduce their sense of loneliness.

Look into Volunteering

Volunteering is powerful for multiple reasons.

The first is that it provides a sense of direction and purpose, much like education. This is extremely relevant to seniors. Many may experience a loss of such direction after retirement. Helping others can also be joyful and inspiring, often helping a person to feel better in their own life.

The social side of volunteering is also very relevant. It can be easy to develop social connections in this context, as people are working together towards a common goal.

Build Deeper Friendships

While group classes and events have their advantages, they’re not always enough to combat loneliness.

One problem is that these activities tend to promote a large number of fairly superficial friendships. This is especially true for large groups that only meet once a week (or even less often). Such groups can even make people feel lonelier, rather than less.

In contrast, making one or two close friends can be very powerful.

A close friend can become someone to interact with often and go places with. This is important at any age and even more for seniors who may be losing some of their previous social connections. 

Group events and activities can be a good place to make initial connections. However, it will take some intention and work to turn such connections into deeper friendships.

Get Them Involved in Exercise

Exercise has multiple benefits for isolation. One of these is the way that it helps people to be more mobile. Mobility can make it easier to establish and maintain friendships.

Exercise also helps people to feel better. This can sometimes reduce the stress of isolation and perhaps even the sense of isolation itself.

There are also many exercise groups and classes. These can help to improve physical fitness and provide social connection at the same time.   

Don’t worry, exercise doesn’t require fitness. There are groups and classes for every skill level, including options like chair yoga, Nordic walking, and swimming.

Experiment With Technology

We often blame technology for modern loneliness, which is somewhat fair, as digital connections don’t replace the real thing and can make people feel lonelier. Yet, when used carefully and well, technology can be powerful.

One example is using technology to connect your family, like through chats and Zoom calls. This allows the senior to talk to family members they wouldn’t hear from otherwise.

The right online groups and forums can be amazing too. The best are those where people have a shared interest and tend to be respectful. For seniors, this could include faith-based groups or ones focused on a specific hobby, like knitting. Such groups offer a place to talk and share photos, creating a sense of community.

Some seniors even do well with online gaming or become content creators themselves, like on YouTube, TikTok, or as video game streamers.

Because many seniors aren’t tech-savvy, they may need some teaching and help setting up accounts. You may also need to help them find suitable groups and activities (and steer them away from any toxic online groups).

Look For Pen Pals

Technology has its place, but online conversations can often be frustrating, even when the technology behaves itself.

Finding a pen pal or two can be a helpful alternative. There is something wonderful about sending and receiving letters, especially because of the thought that goes into each one. Pen pals can get invested in each other’s lives too, which is perfect for creating a sense of connection.

There are some pen pal programs that help people find others to write to. Or, you might be able to ask around. The senior might already have an old friend or two overseas who would be willing to get involved.

Increase Transportation Options

A lack of transport makes it much more difficult to connect with other people. This is an area that many seniors struggle with, especially if they lose the ability to safely drive.

If this is the case for your loved one, look into alternative transport options, like public transport, Uber, and rides from friends.

Experiment and Be Patient

Combating loneliness involves looking at both the quality and quantity of social connections. This also makes it important to find a good fit between the senior and what they are involved in.

For example, a senior may see few social benefits from a group activity if they do not enjoy it and do not want to go. It is much better to find something that the senior enjoys and actually looks forward to.

Finding such groups and activities can be a matter of trial and error. There is no simple solution and it may take time. While the process may be challenging for caregivers (and seniors), it is important to get this right. Good connections really can make a huge impact on a person’s life.

Encourage Realistic Expectations

As we mentioned earlier, loneliness and social isolation aren’t as directly connected as they seem. Notably, people are most affected by how their social network differs from how they think it should be.

If someone’s expectations are very high, then most people will fail to live up to them.

Sometimes talking to the senior might be enough to help them be more realistic. Such conversations may also give you a better sense of what the senior is looking for, making it easier to find the right social activities for them.

Re-Evaluate the Senior’s Living Situation

Where a person lives can noticeably impact their loneliness as well. Are there accessible sources of connection? Can they walk or drive themselves to meet others?

If they can’t, what are the options for transport? Here, it’s important to find transport options the senior will actually use. Some people may be reluctant to accept rides from others often and may not be confident with public transport.

Pay particular attention is a senior has recently moved downsized or moved to a new community.

This includes times where the senior has moved in with family. Strange as it may seem, living with family members sometimes makes seniors feel more disconnected and alone. This is most likely if the family is often busy, while the senior has few social connections of their own.

How Therapy Might Help

Therapy is actually a source of social connection, as anyone seeing a therapist has someone they can regularly sit and talk things through with. The sessions also give seniors the chance to talk just about themselves, which can be powerful if they’re feeling unseen.

Yet, we’re including therapy on this list for a different reason – it can help seniors work through their emotions and understand the situation better. This could include thinking about their expectations of other people and the practical steps they can take to reduce loneliness.

This is particularly relevant for seniors who are highly focused on their loneliness, particularly those who are never satisfied.

Why Seniors Are Particularly Vulnerable

Isolation and loneliness are challenges for many people, regardless of age. Many of us don’t form the meaningful social connections that we want to or simply find that we aren’t seeing people often enough.

Even so, loneliness in seniors is a particularly important topic, as seniors are more vulnerable than most. There are a few reasons for this.

Retirement

Retirement frees up time, which should allow for more social connections. Yet, our jobs are also a consistent source of social contact and many of us make friends over time through work.

Even people who don’t like their jobs or struggle with their workmates get some benefits from regular social contact.

Losing this regular connection can be challenging for many people. And, retirement is often a shift from full-time work to no work, which is a huge change in a person’s life.

It often takes time for seniors to adjust to their new retired life and find new connections. Even if they do start to form new friendships, the loss of regular work contacts can still be noticeable.

Changes in Their Life

Loneliness often becomes more pronounced when a person’s life goes through big shifts, like the death of a loved one, moving home, retirement, and the like.

This is partly because such shifts can disrupt current social connections. Some people may need to build entirely new social networks and might not know how to do so.

Difficult life changes, including health diagnoses or the death of a friend, can also increase the need for social connection, making loneliness much more likely.

The death of a spouse is extremely challenging here, as couples often rely on each other for support. As a result, the surviving spouse is often dealing with grief and an increased sense of social isolation.

Disability, Illness, and Cognitive Challenges

Aging often comes with health challenges, including mobility difficulties and chronic disease.

Such issues can make social engagement more difficult or simply make it harder for people to leave the house. There might also be fear of embarrassment, especially for seniors dealing with incontinence or cognitive decline.

They Need to Find New Ways To Connect

Seniors who have had relatively stable lives may not be experienced in developing new connections. They may have previously relied on friendships from work, their spouse, and perhaps neighbors.

Yet, aging can disrupt these social networks, especially if loved ones die or the senior needs to move to a new community. As a result, the senior may find themselves needing to find new friends – and not knowing where to begin.

More Time Makes Things Challenging

Finally, seniors have a lot more time on their hands. Some find new ways of using this, like with meaningful activities and personal projects.

For others, it can feel like they need to constantly fill in time. Having so much extra time can make any isolation much more noticeable.

Loneliness Breeds Loneliness

Finally, loneliness has the unfortunate habit of reinforcing itself. This plays out in a few ways.

• People who are lonely are often less able or willing to seek out new social connections, especially when loneliness contributes to depressive symptoms.
• Loneliness can distort perceptions of current relationships, making people feel disconnected and unwanted, even when this isn’t the case. Such perceptions can lead to the senior pulling away from some of their social connections, making loneliness worse.
• Lonely people often aren’t engaging socially, which can make other people less able or willing to engage with them. 
• Times of crisis can make things even worse, as people in the senior’s social circle may not have enough energy to provide support, especially if they are going through similar challenges themselves. So, a senior may find themselves with fewer connections than normal, right when they need more.

Final Thoughts

Loneliness is sometimes called a modern epidemic, one that feels increasingly common given the hectic nature of modern lives. This is true in many senses, yet there are also countless opportunities for connection.  

The following tips can help get you started in supporting a senior. They’re also relevant for caregivers who feel isolated.

• The quality of connection matters. Ever felt lonely in a crowd? That’s because humans have a strong need to feel seen and heard.
• Be supportive. Solving loneliness isn’t as simple as just making new friends, especially for seniors who are out of practice. They may need you to come with them initially or to provide gentle support.
• Look for joint social activities. Activities that involve you and the senior can be an easy way back into social connection, especially if the pressure is low. Senior centers and other local organizations may already have some programs in place.
• Combine connection with an activity. Many activities, groups, and events combine social connection with doing something practical. This can be an easier way to meet people and form friendships. This is most powerful if they’re also passionate about the activity.
• Don’t let them rely just on you. Some seniors fall into the pattern of relying on their family for all social connection, then laying on the guilt whenever a family member isn’t available. This isn’t sustainable for family members and isn’t healthy for the senior. It’s crucial to encourage external social connections, even if they resist the idea.
• Look for other angles. Sometimes the biggest issue isn’t the need for more social connections. Some seniors may simply need to re-learn how to enjoy themselves on their own and find new things that they enjoy doing.    

Finally, remember to respect the senior and their wishes.

Some seniors may be perfectly content with a limited social network. Even if they’re not, you can’t force someone to reconnect with society in the way you want them to. It’s often best to simply make gentle suggestions and then provide plenty of support and encouragement.