Aging in itself can be a scary concept. No one really knows what to expect, especially as our bodies all respond in different and unique ways.
Dementia is particularly challenging, as the symptoms mean a person loses not just their physical capabilities, but also their understanding of the world and their sense of who they are as an individual.
People will approach the potential signs of dementia in very ways.
For some people, this can even include actively hiding dementia symptoms and pretending that nothing is wrong. So, why does this happen and how can adult children best protect their parents?
Common Ways People Hide Dementia Symptoms
Avoiding Some Activities
Dementia symptoms don’t come on all at once, so seniors may be fine in some areas and struggle in others. If this is the case, they might start to avoid activities that they find difficult or where their limits are noticeable.
Games, puzzles, reading, driving, and sports are all examples, as these are relatively complex activities that require a decent amount of mental energy.
Look for times where the senior stops doing something they previously loved – and can’t give a good reason for the decision.
Refusing to Try New Things
Learning a new game, hobby, or sport comes with a decent mental load too, which may be too much for seniors with dementia. Sometimes, even simply going out to a new venue or special event could be too much.
Here too, you may notice the senior pulling back or refusing, often without being able to give a logical reason for their decision.
Withdrawing Socially
If the senior is worried about getting found out, they might decrease their social engagements, spending less time with other people. By doing so, they don’t need to worry about saying the wrong thing or forgetting an important detail.
Relying on Reminder and Notes
Seniors may rely extensively on notes to compensate for their failing memory. This could include notes on their phone, notes in a notebook, or even sticky notes around their home.
So, if you visit the senior and find there are notes everywhere, this is an important sign that something is amiss.
Making Up Stories
When a senior’s issues with memory or cognition start to become obvious, they might start making up stories instead of admitting anything.
This can be tough to spot at first, as the stories might be believable. For example, they might say they missed the bus or decided not to go into town, rather than admitting they got lost on the way to the bus stop.
Not Answering Questions
Instead of making up stories, some seniors will avoid answering problematic questions entirely. They can do this in multiple ways, including:
- Humor. Turning questions and situations into a joke allows seniors to make light of any cognitive issues or ignore them entirely.
- Deflection. Here, the senior might deflect blame onto another person or find a way to quickly change the topic without providing an answer.
- Making excuses. There are many easy excuses for memory and cognitive challenges, like being tired, not paying attention, or thinking about something else.
- Minimizing challenges. Some seniors may act like potential symptoms are no big deal. This might include leaning into the idea that everyone forgets things or saying that their forgetting is a part of aging.
- Becoming argumentative. Some seniors may take a different approach, becoming argumentative or even hostile when there’s a conversation about memory issues.
Such issues may occur in other situations too. For example, if you spot an error in the story the senior gave you, they might become defensive or argumentative, rather than admitting what happened.
Why Do Some People Hide Their Symptoms?
Hiding dementia symptoms can seem like a strange practice. Yet, there are many reasons that the senior might do so, including the following.
Not Wanting to Acknowledge the Condition
Fear is a powerful driver, leading some people to deny their dementia symptoms for as long as possible. Here, they’re not just hiding the condition from others, they’re trying to hide it from themselves as well.
And… acknowledging a condition or challenge to another person can make it feel more real. It’s easy to see why some people hold off the conversations for as long as they possibly can.
Not Wanting to Share
A related driver is the desire to keep dementia symptoms or a dementia diagnosis private for a while.
Telling people is a big thing. It means the senior suddenly has everyone else’s perspectives, grief, emotional loading, and advice to respond to.
This can be too much, especially if the senior is still coming to terms with their condition and the implications themselves. If this is the case, the senior is likely to open up about their symptoms eventually, just not when you expect them to (the same can happen with other health information too).
Worried About Perception
For some seniors, it may not be dementia itself that’s scary, but how the condition may affect their relationships.
For example, fiercely independent seniors may hate the idea of being seen as weak or of embarrassing themselves as dementia progresses. Others may not want people to feel sorry for them or might be trying to avoid worrying their adult children.
They Don’t Recognize the Symptoms
Dementia impacts the brain and causes many changes. This includes altering how people understand the world around them and themselves.
Because of this, symptoms of dementia won’t always be obvious to the senior. Their understanding could also fluctuate, where they only sometimes understand that there’s something wrong.
The Risks of Hiding Dementia Symptoms
Dementia isn’t curable, so hiding the symptoms mightn’t seem like a bit deal. Yet, there are some big problems with the practice.
Important Conversations Happen Too Late
There are some crucial conversations to have when someone is diagnosed with dementia.
Some of these relate to end-of-life care, like the types of life saving interventions the senior wants. Others relate to earlier care decisions, like when the senior should stop driving and when memory care is needed.
Because dementia is progressive, the senior mightn’t have the cognitive ability to make these decisions later on.
So, you need to have such conversations early, while the senior is still competent and can think through the implications of their decisions. You may miss this window if the symptoms are hidden for too long.
Health Issues May Be Left Untreated
Dementia symptoms aren’t always caused by conditions like Alzheimer’s disease. Sometimes they occur for entirely different reasons, like drug interactions, sleep problems, dehydration, or a UTI.
If an underlying issue like this is treated, then the dementia symptoms may disappear as well. This is why it’s so crucial to talk about symptoms and seek medical attention early.
They’re Not Getting Medical Support
Then there’s dementia treatment itself. While conditions like Alzheimer’s aren’t curable, there are medications that help manage the symptoms and improve quality of life.
Such medications can help the senior be happier and present for longer.
There are also non-drug approaches, including occupational therapy and behavioral therapy. Such approaches may reduce some symptoms as well, while also helping seniors to function better in their current environment.
They Don’t Get The Support They Need
There’s also some danger with hiding dementia symptoms, as some symptoms put the senior at risk.
What happens if they get disorientated when away from home? Or if they start accidently leaving the stove on? Such problems could easily cause harm.
And, if no one even knows the senior has dementia symptoms, there mightn’t be anyone checking in to make sure they’re okay.
The need for support only increases as the condition progresses. Having early conversations about dementia helps strike the right balance between support and autonomy. Doing so can also mean that the family knows when to provide support and when to give the senior their space.
Hiding Symptoms Could Make Them Worse
In some cases, hiding dementia symptoms could actually make them worse.
This is most notable for strategies that minimize stimulation or engagement in an attempt to make dementia less obvious.
For example, if a senior withdraws socially, they’re also losing the challenges associated with conversations and trying to remember. Doing this could mean their memory and cognition gets worse faster than it would otherwise.
What Can Family Members Do?
One important thing is to keep an eye out for the symptoms of dementia, including mood and personality changes, plus disruptive memory loss.
The signs we mentioned earlier are relevant too, like when a senior is dramatically decreasing their regular activities or when they are much vaguer in how they describe their day.
Such changes are a sign you need to talk to the senior.
Crucially, such conversations should be gentle and respectful. Remember, dementia can be a terrifying idea and the senior may still be coming to terms with all that’s happening.
The Alzheimer’s Association offers 10 tips for having such conversions.
When you do talk to the senior, remember that focus should be on them, not you. Also be sure to keep things manageable. It won’t help to talk about the entire scope of dementia and their eventual death when they’re still processing their symptoms.
Finally, remember that dementia symptoms don’t necessarily mean the senior has irreversible dementia. Some conditions can cause similar symptoms and are treatable, which is why it’s crucial to take things one step at a time.
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