What to Expect When Aging Parents Move In With You

When they can no longer safely live on their own, having your elderly parents move in with you can seem like the next logical step.

It’s an approach that has many advantages. You get peace of mind, as you know that your family member is safe. You’re also able to support them in a familiar environment without too much disruption to your own routine.

The idea can be powerful for the senior as well.

Being physically and emotionally close to family members is often appealing. The chance to participate in family life can also help to create a sense of routine and purpose, while potentially reducing loneliness.

The Implications of Your Elderly Parents Moving in With You

Despite the advantages, this isn’t a decision to rush into. Moving your parent (or parents) in with you comes with its own set of implications.

It’s important to understand what you can expect before making any final decisions.

Having this information at hand is also critical for planning ahead. Being aware of potential challenges can help you avoid serious issues and ensure that the situation is beneficial for all involved.

You Will Experience Extra Costs

Adding another person to the household will always bring in some extra costs. The most obvious impacts are increased utility usage and food.

There may be other costs as well, such as extra transport or the need to purchase some medical supplies. Changes to the home may be needed to keep the senior safe too, such as the addition of grab bars.

You May Need To Adjust Your Budget

While your family member may be able to contribute towards some of the household costs, they might not be able to cover all the changes.

This can mean that you need to adjust your own financial planning.

Doing so could include working longer hours or perhaps cutting spending down. Some adult children even find that their own retirement savings take a hit.

Finances Can Cause Conflicts

Finance is a topic that often makes people emotional. Even if everyone is on the same page at the beginning, disputes and resentments can easily occur over time.

One pattern is that the senior may not be fully aware of the financial impact that their presence has. This can sometimes mean that there is a difference between how much they’re willing to contribute to costs and how much you feel that they should.

Issues can also arise in cases where seniors become paranoid or are naturally stubborn. Paranoia can be a symptom of Alzheimer’s disease and may occur for other reasons.

Regardless of the cause, paranoia or stubbornness can make financial discussions more difficult. You might even find that you end up taking on extra costs yourself just to avoid potential conflict from talking about them.

Family Dynamics and Time Will Change

The addition to your household will have direct and indirect impacts on relationships and dynamics between people. In part, this simply occurs because there is one more person, so everyone may need to make some adjustments.

Other impacts can occur too.

One is that having your parent live in your home has interesting impacts on the parent-child dynamic. On the one hand, they are still your parent and have been a key guiding force in your life. Yet, they are also living in your home and you are the one paying the bills.

This balance can be fine in many situations, but not always. It can cause emotional strain, especially if expectations are not discussed previously.

You’ll also find that your available time will change. Seniors will often have appointments and activities of their own. You may need to help facilitate these in some way or even provide transport. This could mean you have less time for your own interests.

Thankfully, the effects of a parent moving in aren’t all negative.

Your parent may be able to help with some of the housework. Some may find a sense of purpose in doing so, while also helping to lighten your load.

Having a parent live with you can make it easier for them to spend time with your children (or grandchildren, depending on the generational structure). It becomes much easier to form bonds across generations.

Your Parent May Be Lonely

Loneliness is a serious problem, one that can even contribute to physical health issues. Moving your parent in with you may not solve this problem. In some cases, the process can make loneliness worse.

This often happens because people expect that living with their family will mean plenty of social interaction.

Yet, many seniors who live with family spend most of their time alone. Family members all tend to have their own obligations and hobbies. The emotional impact of this pattern can be huge, especially if seniors were not expecting it.

One way to reduce any issues is to involve the senior more often. You might also increase the number of family occasions to ensure that there is plenty of interaction for everyone.

Seniors also benefit from spending time with people their own age.

Supporting them in this area can help to decrease loneliness. Local senior centers are the perfect place to start. These will often have a variety of programs for seniors. They may even offer transportation.

Things May Change

The decision to move your family member in with you may be partly based on their level of independence. Yet, someone’s ability to care for themselves won’t always remain the same.

The level of support that they need might slowly increase over time, especially if their health is declining. This could also change suddenly as the result of a fall or some other event.

Each situation comes with its own challenges.

• When a senior’s needs increase gradually, it’s easy to be unaware of how much has changed or the amount of extra work that you’re doing. Some adult children find that they become part-time or even full-time caregivers without ever planning to do so.
• A sudden change in needs can catch everyone by surprise. There can be financial and practical repercussions, including a scramble to find the support needed.

The chance of change doesn’t mean that having an elderly parent move in with you is a bad idea. Instead, it’s an indication that you need to plan ahead.

Take the time to think about you would want if your family member needs more support than you are able to provide. Perhaps you need to have some discussions with them or even set up an agreement before they move in.

Extra Help May Become Important

Most family members hope to provide care for their aging parent themselves. The goal is a noble one, but supporting a family member can be an overwhelming task.

This is particularly significant if you work full-time or if your family member has complex care needs.

Hiring help can be a viable alternative, if you can afford to do so. If paid help isn’t an option, consider talking to family members.

It’s critical to talk and think about this area before your aging parent moves in. It’s easy to think that you’ll simply manage with whatever challenges that are thrown at you, but this attitude isn’t good for you or for your family member.

In practice, caring for a loved one is a tough role. It can get overwhelming quickly, even when you deeply care for the person. Seniors caring for their own elderly parents can face additional challenges, as can other caregivers in unusual situations.

Trying to push through caregiving without adequate support means that you risk burning out. Doing so can also put the health of your loved one at risk.  

Final Thoughts

There are many large and small impacts of having a parent move in with you. While it is impossible to predict them all, being aware of the potential for problems can help you to be better prepared.

Keeping clear lines of communication open is important as well.

This includes talking about issues when they arise, rather than letting resentments grow.

One final piece of advice is to be aware of emotional challenges. Having a parent move in with you will have emotional impacts on everyone involved. Some of these will be obvious, while others may be more subtle.

Being aware of the potential for emotional upheaval can help you to manage the situation and avoid any serious conflicts.