One of the most common pieces of caregiving advice is self-care. We’ve written about it multiple times on this site too, including easy self-care tips and what self-care means in practice.
The concept is truly critical. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from a jug that’s empty. If you don’t meet your own needs, you’re not going to be able to help someone else.
Self-care isn’t limited to caregiving either. It’s a practice that everyone needs.
It’s also an idea that sounds great in theory but is much harder to actually achieve. In many cases, self-care also won’t be enough.
My Own Experience
I was a caregiver for my partner for a number of years and played a partial caregiving role for his mother (who lived with us) as well. It was an incredibly challenging and stressful time, as I was also working 50+ hours a week from home.
I had many self-care strategies, including the typical ones like eating well, buying treats and carving out time for myself.
Yet, I still suffered immense stress and burnout. That made it much more difficult to care for anyone else and it wasn’t good for me either. I also have mental health struggles of my own and I was forced to put these to one side.
One problem was the limitations. There were many self-care strategies I couldn’t follow. For example, it was unsafe to leave my family at home on their own for more than a few hours at a time, which created some immediate problems.
But, more than that, self-care was never going to be enough.
I needed something more. That should have come in the form of external support.
Instead, I convinced myself that I should be able to do it all and pushed harder. This is a lie that caregivers often tell themselves. We’re so convinced that we should be doing better, that we don’t realize how amazing we’re actually being.
I never did find a solution. My partner died unexpectedly and I ended up going back home. There is a ton of grief involved in that situation, which I’ve written about before.
I sometimes wonder how things would have gone if my caregiving role had lasted longer. In all honesty, I’m not sure I could have done it. I was burnt out and stubbornly refusing to look for help and support. I suspect that sooner or later, I would have been unable to care for anyone.
Finding Solutions
As Amanda from Ravishly points out, people in helping professions need extra support and care. She highlights the importance of having someone external that can understand the challenges and offer advice.
Sometimes it’s also necessary to just ask for help.
Amanda touched on this too, stating that when she was sick and run down, she turned to other people for support more than she would have otherwise.
Asking for help feels impossible, but it doesn’t have to be. You might need to get creative or tailor your requests, but there are normally some ways that people can help.
This is true even if you don’t have anyone who will support you as a caregiver.
For example, the people around you mightn’t be able to help with caregiving itself. Simply asking for help is also too general of a request. People don’t know what to do with it, so they tend to do nothing.
Asking for something specific can often help. If you don’t want to do this in person, you can use social media to your advantage. You can also ask individuals for specific things, ones that you know they might be willing to help with.
In my case, I had a friend who I paid to take me grocery shopping every week. As background, I don’t drive, so I advertised on Craigslist for someone who could help. We became friends along the way.
It wasn’t a stretch to ask her to help me get my partner’s mother to the doctor’s office periodically. This even created the potential for me to stay at home sometimes.
I also thought about the idea of hiring a cleaner. I never did, but I think I should have.
Keeping the house clean was one more stress on my plate and one that I didn’t need. I was stuck on the idea that I should have the energy to clean. But, in reality, the role I played at a caregiver and with my work was essential. The cleaning needed to be done, but there was no reason that it had to be me doing it.
Hiring a cleaner isn’t always going to be a solution and it won’t be relevant to everyone anyway.
The important thing is the idea of being creative. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to the challenges of caregiving. Each person will have their own specific issues and areas that they find more difficult than others.
If nothing else, look online for caregiving forums and discussion groups on Facebook. These can be really good places to find advice and ask questions. People who are (or have been) in a similar situation may have some creative solutions that you just didn’t think about.
It’s also nice to simply talk to people who understand the challenges that you are working with.
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