Driving is part of everyday living for most of us, and it can also be extremely emotional. For many people, driving represents independence.
Indeed, having adequate transportation is essential for promoting overall health and preventing isolation. It can be a way for them to stay connected socially and to meet needs such as going to the doctor’s office and grocery shopping.
Many people have lived most of their lives with the ability to drive and all of the flexibility and freedom that comes with it. Many of us couldn’t imagine what it would be like be able to drive.
Yet, continuing to drive is one of the toughest decisions that many seniors face as they age, and unsettle many caregivers
In particular, as people age, their ability to drive can often decrease. This can happen for a range of reasons, including a loss of coordination or the development of a chronic disease. But, regardless of the reason, the situation presents many challenges and these are often not easily resolved.
Previous posts in this series have highlighted other aspects of this topic. In Part 1, we explored some of the common myths and facts about older drivers. In Part 2, we looked at key warning signs that indicate that it is time for a senior to limit or stop their driving.
Now, in this final part, we consider ways that caregivers and family members can talk to seniors about this sensitive topic. To do so, I want to start with an example from my own life.
My Family’s Solution to my Father’s Driving
My parents had grown accustomed to their routine. My dad would drive, while my mom instructed his every move. “Make a left!” “Park here.” “Merge lanes!”
It was a system that had been effective for a long time and I don’t think that either of them realized that it wouldn’t continue to be so forever.
As you may know, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s back in 2003. Over the years, we faced all of the expected changes – memory loss, and inability to keep up in a conversation.
My sisters and I always worried that he would venture out one day and never come back, which can happen for Alzheimer’s patients, especially as they become confused and disorientated. There were a growing number of occasion where he would take off in the car, and not be able to describe where he went, or why he took an inordinate amount of time
To help reduce the risk, we equipped his car with a GPS tracker, without his knowledge (it’s also possible to get GPS trackers for individuals, like the GPS Smart Sole, which would have been even more helpful). After all, most people with dementia are not likely to be driving much.
We came to rely on that tracker more often than we’d like to admit, which made it clear that there was an issue at hand.
One day, he took off to the local park for what was supposed to be a brief trip. Hours later, with a search party underway, he was still missing. We checked the GPS and found that he was heading toward Mexico, as we live 6 minutes from the U.S.-Mexico border.
We were not surprised.
As some may be aware, individuals with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia often attempt to go back to their earlier years. With that in mind, my father may have been trying to go ‘home’ to Mexico.
At that point, we had cousins on both sides of the border looking for him and the border patrol told my sister that there was little that they could do. I tracked him from across the country, where I live, feeling a bit helpless.
My cousin did eventually find my father, as he turned and headed back to the U.S., of his own accord.
Even though he was safe, it was clear that a significant change needed to be made.
Otherwise, a similar issue could happen in the future and next time, the outcome may not be so positive.
However, we already knew that there was no easy answer.
My father did not acknowledge that there was any issue with his ability to drive. Misguided, my mother continued to be believe that as long as he drove while she was in the passenger’s side, all would be well. It was not simply possible to talk my father into stopping driving.
Because of this, my approach was to write a letter to the DMV, along with his name, details about the incident and a suggestion that they should revoke his license. At this point, we knew that he wasn’t just a flight risk, when knew that when he drove, he was not making rational choices, nor likely had the reaction time needed for driving or the cognizance to recognize dangers or changes in the road
Within one week, the DMV sent my father the paperwork, which included a document from his doctor. My mother provided the document to his doctor, perhaps still hopeful that he’d respond favorably. Instead, his doctor was candid about my father’s ability and mental health challenges.
Soon after that, the DMV contacted my father to tell him that his license was suspended. The reason stated in his paperwork: Alzheimer’s.
Clearly, neither the doctor or the DMV wanted to be held liable for having somebody on the road that could prove a danger to themselves or to others.
Indeed, as with some other states, California requires that doctors report patients with Alzheimer’s to the DMV, although they rarely do so. In the case with my father, it took me contacting the DMV directly to put the wheels in motion.
If I hadn’t, my father would probably still be driving.
Furthermore, he may have gotten himself hurt through an accident or through wandering off.
All of this occurred before Thanksgiving and even now, my father is still confused about why they took his license.
My sisters were both completely on board in the decision to take his key – the stubborn one was my mother, who seemed to lose her chauffeur. An otherwise very responsible caregiver, my mother had not thought through the consequences of making the keys so accessible to him.
We also thought about the consequences. With his license, it meant my mom would have to drive more often, and she has felt less comfortably venturing beyond a 5-mile radius. My sister agreed to drive them to destinations outside their comfort zone. In addition, I equipped my mom’s cell phone with the Uber App connected to my account.
Talking to Family Members About Driving
As you can see, finding a solution when it comes to a senior and driving often isn’t easy, and everyone needs to be ready to do their part to fill the void after the license is revoked
In many cases, a family member may be stubborn and resistant about no longer driving. As in our case, the closest caregiver may pose another barrier. Additionally, they may not recognize that they are putting themselves or others at risk.
You want to be tackling this problem before a serious issue occurs. In some ways, we waited too long in our situation and we were lucky that my father did come back in one piece. The situation across the border is not inviting, and it wouldn’t have taken much for a few thugs to take advantage of an old lost “American” man and take his car.
Tackling the problem early enough comes with its own challenges, especially as the senior is less likely to realize that there is a problem.
In some cases, you will be able to talk to them and convince them to give up driving on their own.
For example, some seniors will recognize that they are a risk, or they will trust your judgment.
Some may even find the idea of alternative transportation appealing, especially if you do have another option in mind.
You may also be able to make some adaptations to decrease risk.
For example, driver safety courses can help people (including seniors) to be more competent on the roads and decrease the risk of accidents. Likewise, you might try to limit driving to the day or to local roads.
Those approaches may not be effective for a family member with dementia. However, for other seniors, they may be a valid option.
However, as with my own family, talking is not always the solution.
Instead, you may have to take matters into your own hands.
In my case, this involved contacting the DMV directly. Getting the senior’s doctor involved could also work well, especially if there is a medical reason why the senior shouldn’t be driving.
It may also be necessary to ensure that the senior literally does not have the opportunity to drive. For example, this could even involve selling their car or taking away the keys.
Such an approach feels cruel and may not be necessary in all cases. You should also talk to others and get advice before going in that direction. Still, there may be situations where extreme measures are warranted and doing so could literally save the life of the senior or of somebody else.
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