Old age can sometimes make a person neglect self-care. They may begin to ignore personal hygiene without realizing it. Some other examples of self-neglect include failing to pay bills, losing interest in hobbies, staying indoors a lot, and becoming asocial.
If your elderly parent is neglecting personal hygiene there’s a good chance that they are shirking responsibility as well. This could well be a result of a medical condition. Hence it is important to be open-minded and not judge them for their actions.
In rare cases, a person intentionally lives in a way that others find undesirable or unpleasant. This is their way of reaching out or seeking help. It’s possible that your mom or dad has unaddressed health conditions, and they are unable to communicate the symptoms to you. This is where having a conversation helps.
Seniors with poor personal hygiene may show some of the following signs:
- Wearing the same clothes three or four days in a row
- Body odor due to not showering regularly
- Formation of ulcers on the skin
- Bad breath
- Tooth decay
- Unwashed hair
- Untrimmed fingernails or toenails
- Food particles stuck between teeth
- Messy and unsanitary rooms
Tips for Talking to Aging Parents about Personal Hygiene
1. Explain to them the positives of good personal hygiene
Personal hygiene can be a sensitive subject. If your mom or dad has gotten comfortable with staying unclean, they will most probably resist any change. They will want to continue living that way.
It is vital that you begin the conversation with positives. Let them know that they need some refining when it comes to their outward appearance. Once they start to look sharp, others around them will treat them well.
Indeed, staying positive and kind is vital during any difficult conversation.
Let them know that their body odor can make others around them uncomfortable and uneasy. And that it is in their best interest to shower regularly and use deodorant.
You can also point out the health risks of poor personal hygiene, such as athlete’s foot, increased risk of infection, rashes, and skin damage. Regular poor hygiene may also make people question the senior’s cognitive ability – an outcome many seniors would like to avoid.
2. Introduce them to new people
If yes, they may be feeling lonely or may spend a lot of time indoors on their own. If they’re not engaging with people much, they may not feel the need to tidy up.
It’s very easy to tell if someone is lonely. You can bring up the topic by asking your parents if they have difficulty bonding with others. Or if they have an overwhelming feeling of isolation all the time?
It can be challenging for an old person to meet new people on their own. You can help them get their social life back on track by taking them to the park regularly or going to group events with them.
Basically, the more time they spend outdoors, the more likely it is that they will meet new people. As they become more sociable, they will naturally begin to take care of their personal hygiene.
3. Avoid making the conversation awkward
It is important to bring up the topic of personal hygiene in a smooth and casual manner. Kindly do not barge into your aging mom’s or dad’s room. And do not begin the conversation by criticizing them for being in poor physical condition.
I suggest you choose the right moment to bring up this subject. And begin the conversation in a lighter tone.
I can also help if you talk to them one-on-one in the absence of other family members. You can take them for a walk in the park where you and your parent will have privacy to discuss this delicate matter.
4. Be patient. Do not force the change
Your mom or dad will almost certainly want to improve their personal hygiene once you make them aware of the issue. But change doesn’t always come easy. During this phase, I suggest you watch their situation with compassion and listen to their concerns with empathy.
If possible, help them create a new personal hygiene routine. You can go the old-fashioned way by writing down the daily routine in a notebook. Or make use of habit tracker apps available to monitor the habits and behavior patterns of your parent.
Personal hygiene includes the following tasks:
- Bathing
- Brushing teeth
- Washing hands
- Trimming nails
- Cleaning nose and ears
- Changing into clean clothes
It is possible that your elderly parent will struggle to execute the above-mentioned tasks on time. To help them improve their personal hygiene, you can set reminders on their phone.
You may also need to consider tools to make hygiene easier, such as shower accessories. These are important, as some seniors will resist caring for their hygiene because bathing is difficult.
Why do elderly people neglect personal hygiene?
Loneliness and social isolation are the biggest reasons behind self-neglect in seniors. According to a report by the CDC, social isolation can also increase the risk of dementia and other serious medical conditions by 50%.
The combined effects of loneliness and poor cognitive health can lead a senior person to neglect personal hygiene. It’s not like your parent doesn’t want to look sharp and smart, but they may be struggling to do so.
Other possible reasons behind self-neglect in older adults:
- Multiple chronic disorders
- Substance abuse
- Depression and anxiety
- Mental illness
- Poor social support
Sometimes you’ll need to address the underlying issue before the senior can get their hygiene fully on track. For example, depression can make hygiene more difficult, to the point that some tasks can feel almost impossible.
What if all my efforts do not yield good results? Should I send my parent to a nursing home?
Sending your loved one to a nursing home can be a tough decision. You might feel guilty as you are not able to fix the situation, and as a result, you are forced to send your parent away to live with total strangers.
But, nursing homes can be a good option if your parent has special health care needs.
Let’s say your parent is diagnosed with dementia, and as result, he or she is failing to maintain good personal hygiene. In such a situation, it’s often better to have qualified caregivers taking care of your mom’s or dad’s needs.
Furthermore, sending your parent to a nursing home can also be a good idea if you are spending too much time dealing with your aging parent, and as a result, failing to fulfill personal obligations.
My intention is not to persuade you to put your parent in a nursing home. It should only be a last resort.
Editor’s Note
These approaches are all important ways to talk to elderly parents about their hygiene. However, as we’ve discussed elsewhere, caring for an aging parent isn’t a true role reversal. You’re not their parent and they haven’t suddenly become your child.
They’re still an adult, which means they still have the right to make their own health decisions (unless they’re legally considered incompetent). This includes not taking care of their hygiene. If this is the case, bringing the topic up regularly may not help and could harm the relationship.
Also, remember that seniors may not need to have a shower every day. Every second or third day is often fine, especially if they use a washcloth on non-shower days. Similarly, if the senior doesn’t go out often, they may be able to wear the same clothes for a few days.
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