Powerful Tips, Tools, and Resources for Caregivers

Kapok is a caregiving site. As such, we spend a lot of time talking about how to support seniors, including specific challenges that seniors face and ways to help them stay safe and as independent as they can be.

But, caregiving is always a balancing act between two things – the care recipient and you, the person providing care.

Talking about you is crucial.

There’s a practical aspect to that, as the quality of care you provide is directly related to how well you’re doing.

And, you have value too. Your wants and needs are important, regardless of how much your loved one is struggling.

The trick is to find a way to balance the two – to still support yourself while providing care.

Working out how to do so…

Honestly, it’s an art form.

There’s so much to think about and balance. Even when you get a sense of what to do, you won’t get it perfect, not all the time.

That’s okay, perfection isn’t the goal.

In this post, we’re bringing together all of our tools, tips, and resources for caregivers – everything we can find that can make your journey just that little bit easier.

Caregiving Apps

Apps are powerful. After all, they’re literally created to solve problems.

The trick is finding the right app for your needs, as there are so many to choose from. There’s also huge variation in quality.

While it would be impossible to cover every single app, we’ve spent a lot of time looking. You can see our top picks in our best apps for caregivers post, or check out the lists below for more specific apps.

App Lists and Collections:

• Medication management apps
• Apps for selling stuff
• Meditation and mindfulness apps

Individual App Reviews:

• Manage My Pain – an app for tracking pain symptoms over time, in yourself or your loved one.
• Caring Village – focuses on communication and connection between a group of caregivers and family members
• Medisafe Pill Reminder & Medication Tracker App – a particularly comprehensive medication management app.

Related: Fun And Practical Tablet Apps For Seniors

Caregiving Books (Powerful Resources for Caregivers!)

I love books as tools for caregiving. They contain so much information and often at least a few really powerful gems.

If finding time to read is difficult, you can turn to audiobooks. This way you can do something else while you’re learning.

Some books are written specifically for caregivers or adult children, like the following:

• Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents by Allison Bottke
• The 36-Hour Day by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabbins (caring for people with dementia)
• The Conscious Caregiver by Linda Abbit
• Multicultural Guide to Caregiving by Angelica Herrera Venson (here at Kapok!)

Others don’t focus on caregiving at all, but the topics they cover are extremely relevant. These are a few of our favorites:

• Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
• Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Fierce Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

For more details, check out our post: The 13 Best Books on Caring for Aging Parents

Reducing Financial Strain

Finance is another crucial area – one that caregivers ask about time and time again.

Life can be tough enough financially. Then, suddenly, you’re supporting an extra person.

Even if your loved one is still paying their bills, there are often many unexpected costs, like home modifications and adaptive tools.

It’s not just the money you’re spending either. Caregiving often means that you’re earning less. For example, you might miss out on extra work or on promotions. You might also need to cut down your hours so you can support your family member.

Many caregivers even have to stop working entirely.

So, how do you make ends meet?

There are a few approaches to consider. You might need a combination of these, depending on your situation.

Find Financial Support

Some programs provide financial support for seniors. They may even pay you to provide care.

The exact programs vary from state to state. Many are Medicaid programs, so the senior needs to be eligible for Medicaid. There are non-Medicaid ones as well, which have different eligibility requirements.

Programs differ in what they offer too.

Some will pay for specific services, while others may give seniors money that can be used in a variety of ways.

The Eldercare Locator from the U.S. Administration on Aging is a fantastic way to find programs in your area

Related: How Do You Get Paid To Care For A Family Member?

Reduce Spending

We get it. Cutting down spending is easier said than done.

You’ve probably already tried the basics, like running a budget and getting rid of unnecessary expenses.

Other ways to save money are less obvious.

• Consolidate trips away from home, so you need the car less often.
• Swap to generic brands whenever possible. These are often just as good as branded products and are much less expensive.
• Eat well. Buying fresh healthy ingredients sometimes costs more than convenience foods, but good food keeps you healthy, which saves you money in the long-term.
• Prepare lunches and snacks, so there’s never any need for convenience food.
• Use cash rather than a card, as this makes you more aware of your spending.
• Don’t impulse buy. Instead, take photos or clip images of things you want. This gives you the chance to think about your spending.
• Repair items rather than replacing them.
• Look into EBT and similar services. Anything that reduces the amount you need to spend on food gives you more money for other needs.

Find Ways To Make Money

It’s also possible to earn while you’re a caregiver. 

One way is through a government program that pays family members to act as caregivers. Some seniors may even have the funds to pay you themselves.

Or, you can turn to alternative income approaches – including the gig economy.

We recently created an eBook that digs into a huge range of ways you can earn. Some are in-person approaches, where you are meeting clients and selling products or services directly. Others are online instead, giving you the chance to earn even when leaving the home is difficult.

Find It Here: How To Make Money As A Caregiver

Earning while caregiving isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible either.

Doing so can even be helpful, as it gives your life some direction and focus that has nothing to do with being a caregiver.

Ways to Actually Meet Your Needs

Now it’s time to talk about you.

That’s probably got you thinking self-care (perhaps with a bit of a sneer).

I don’t blame you. Self-care is one of the most overused ideas in caregiving.

It’s also incredibly frustrating. After all, most caregivers already know they need to take care of themselves too.

You have to put the gas mask on yourself first – and all that jazz.

But, doing this in practice is an entirely different story.

After all, if your loved one relies on you for their basic needs, how do you take care of yourself without hurting them? Like, if the senior can’t safely go to the bathroom alone – leaving the house gets pretty difficult.

Somedays, self-care feels like just one more think that caregivers should be doing. Isn’t the list of shoulds long enough already?

There aren’t easy answers.

There are some ways forward though.

First, Kick Guilt Into Touch

We can’t do anything without tackling caregiver guilt.

That’s the part of you that feels like you should always be doing more. That feels like a failure any time you lose your temper or that berates you any time you feel even a smidge of resentment.

Caregivers struggle with guilt a lot.

This isn’t because you’re doing badly. Not at all. Most caregivers go above and beyond.

The guilt seems to be because expectations are too high. We expect too much of ourselves. Those on the outside often expect too much as well (largely because they don’t understand what’s truly involved in the role anyway) and then there’s unspoken pressure from society.

It’s important to recognize that you’re not wrong to want to take care of yourself. Your needs matter too.

Also, guilt is often irrational. It can come from all sorts of places, but that doesn’t mean you need to listen to it.

Related: 9 Potent Ways to Combat Caregiver Guilt

Getting rid of guilt completely isn’t a realistic goal. But, you can give it less weight. Remember that feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Often the emotion is simply old conditioning or an emotional habit that is taking time to dissipate.

Find Ways To Support Yourself

You can probably guess where we’re going with this one.

As a caregiver, it’s easy to constantly place your loved one’s wants and needs above your own, taking care of yourself only when there is time left over.

This quickly becomes a problem. Because, honestly, there often isn’t any time left over.

So what do you do?

One approach is something we call the capacity model. This is a way to look at when and how to take care of yourself.

In particular, caregivers need to be proactive about identifying and meeting their needs. You need to take care of yourself in little ways early on because your loved one’s needs will often be unpredictable.

Sometimes you’ll be struggling then a crisis hits – and there’s no time left for you.

You can find out more details in our post on the capacity model. The model is based on my own experiences as a caregiver and the desire to find something that actually works in practice.

We also have some other posts that may help, including the following:

• Fantastic Hobbies for Caregivers
• The Secret to Self-Care (or how to identify your needs and actually meet them)
• 8 Podcasts for Caregivers
• How Values Can Help You Make Good Caregiving Decisions
• Holistic Mental Health For Caregivers
• How To Reduce Caregiver Stress Without Changing The Situation
• Self-Care and Self-Compassion – Two Powerful Caregiving Tools

Related: How To Be A Caregiver Without Losing Your Identity

Cut Down Your Work

Most caregivers need to cut their workload down.

How do you do this?

• Setting boundaries is one approach, which includes starting to say no more often and being more proactive about where you put your energy.
• Being organized and efficient helps you to get the most out of your time.
• Asking for help is important too, even when doing so is difficult. One trick is to be specific about what you ask for. You can also match the request to the person you’re asking, like getting a brother to help with gardening or moving furniture, rather than hands on caregiving.
• Prioritizing the things that matter. There are plenty of ways to do this, such as cleaning the house less often or less thoroughly, cooking simpler meals, ordering groceries online to save time, or similar approaches. You only have so much time and energy each day, so why spend it on unimportant things?
• Look for programs that can help, including those funded through Medicaid. Some will pay for in-home caregiver support or related services. There may also be day programs at local senior centers that give you a brief respite (especially if those programs offer transportation).
• Consider what actually needs to be done. Many caregivers are doing far more than they need to, perhaps out of guilt or pressure from others. Try stepping back and looking at what your parent actually needs.

Look At The Stories You’re Telling Yourself

A big part of being human is interpretation. We take stock of the world around us, trying to understand what’s happening and what it means. To do so, we’re often comparing it to our ideals or how we think things should be.

Much of this happens unconsciously or semi-consciously and we don’t think much about it.

But, our stories influence our experiences, particularly when things are difficult.

One of the most helpful things is to look for the beauty in what’s going on.

Even in the midst of a crisis, life has beautiful moments. For caregiving, these are often moments of laughter or connection and they can come out of nowhere. There may even be funny moments in the middle of scary and overwhelming events.

Looking for these little gems can help caregiving feel less overwhelming. Mindfulness practices can help here too, making it easier to stay with the moment.

Consider What’s Out Of Balance

Finally, take a look at your situation.

If you feel overwhelmed and are struggling constantly, some things may be ‘off’. For example, some aging parents are excessively demanding, where they rely on their children for everything (even things they should be able to do themselves).

Other times, the parents aren’t demanding, but you still feel like you should do everything for them. Doing so could stem from the ‘rules’ of life that you learned as a child, from your own fear, or from another area entirely.

Related (Amazon Link): Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents

Regardless of the driving factors, doing too much quickly leads to burnout.

The situation isn’t good for your parents either. Relying excessively on other people tends to decrease independence. Some people get to the point where they stop trying to do things on their own. It’s much easier to rely on someone else.

That’s an awful situation for you. It could easily make their health worse over time too, as they may be moving less, doing less, and have a much smaller social life.

Reading books, talking to friends, and posting on caregiving forums can help you to see what might be wrong.

Pay particular attention to times when the support you provide doesn’t actually match what your parent actually needs. This includes thinking carefully about what your parent can’t do on their own, versus what just they’re reluctant to do.

Do you need to drop everything at 10pm because they’re out of milk? Do you need to check in on them every day?  

We’ve also written numerous posts that may help, including the following:

• How To Deal With A Difficult Elderly Parent
• Can I Refuse To Care For An Elderly Parent?
• Strategies For Talking To Seniors, Even When You Don’t Want To
• What To Do When Your Loved One Refuses To Care For Themselves
• Caring For Stubborn Elderly Parents – A Kapok Guide
• What To Do When Your Elderly Mother Wants Constant Attention

Have You Considered Therapy?

Hear me out on this.

Therapy can be incredibly helpful for caregivers, even if you don’t have any mental health issues.

For one thing, therapy is an opportunity to unpack what you feel and the events of the week or month – without getting off-base advice in the process.

A skilled therapist can also help you understand the situation better, including your responses and what the senior might be feeling. The therapist may help with tools and techniques to manage your emotions and respond well to any challenges.

They may also pick up on anything that’s out of balance, like times when you’re trying to win your parent’s approval or when their requests are simply unreasonable.

Final Thoughts

There’s no way to turn caregiving into a bed of roses. It’s a tough journey that’s filled with scary transitions and heavy emotions from all sides.

But, it’s not all bad either.

I’ve seen this myself first hand. Even the most challenging caregiving experience has its positive features. There are good moments. They might be few and far between, but they’re there.

The tips, tools, and resources for caregivers that we’ve talked about today may help. Even if they just make things a tiny bit easier, that’s something, right?

And, if things feel truly overwhelmingly impossible – it may be time to rethink caregiving.