For many women, the COVID-19 pandemic has made their already difficult life much more overwhelming. First, there’s all the stress, fear, and uncertainty that comes with these current times. Then there’s the way that women are historically the ones who provide support, which means that there are many female caregivers out there.
After all, even these days, women are more likely to pick up the caring roles. So, when children need to stay home and be cared for, or when elderly parents need extra support, it’s often the woman who needs to give up her time and energy.
And, right now, so many things take more energy and effort. There are more precautions to take and new processes to figure out.
Take online shopping as an example. This helps vulnerable seniors to avoid going to the local store, but it can be confusing for anyone who isn’t tech-savvy. Many seniors will need extra support to use the technology well and adult daughters will often be the one filling that gap.
The Impacts on Women
COVID-19 also means that many people are now working from home. Doing so has some advantages but also creates unexpected challenges.
Women often find that they’re more sandwiched than ever before. At home, they may have their kids to worry about, along with any caregiving tasks and their partner. Even when a husband and wife both work from home, it’s common to see the wife doing more household management and childcare.
Add caregiving on top of that, and the whole process quickly becomes a nightmare. It’s no wonder that female caregivers are struggling so much.
Childcare and Education
Let’s not forget about the kids either. Sandwich generation caregivers have parents to support and their own children to raise. This creates a sense of being squeezed, with demands in every direction.
Being in the sandwich generation is hard enough at the best of times. It’s even worse right now, as many kids are learning from home. This means that not only do parents need to provide childcare, but they’ll often need to help with lessons too.
We’re already seeing this pattern. And, in many families, the women are providing the bulk of the support for their children – on top of everything else that they’re doing.
Work and Income
It’s not surprising then that in the current pandemic, many more women are leaving the workforce than men. Some will feel that they have no choice. They have too many responsibilities and not enough time to do everything.
And, of course, doing this may have devastating impacts on women’s ability to earn later in life. Some will struggle to get rehired, especially with gaps on their resume and a family that continues to depend on them.
There are financial repercussions too. After all, raising children is an unpaid role and caregiving often is as well.
How To Make Things Better
So, what do you do?
Many of the current challenges don’t have easy solutions. We’re in the midst of an incredible crisis, one that has no known end date. We’re also dealing with a change in government and policies that have many gaps.
Right now there simply isn’t all that much support for male or female caregivers, especially not for those who are also raising children and trying to work. Single mothers face even more difficulties.
There have been calls to consider mothers as essential workers and provide more support and payment for their roles. There’s also the chance that the Biden administration’s new policies will help relieve the pressure and offer more support to mothers and caregivers.
But, any changes will take time, so caregivers need to find ways to support themselves. Self-care is part of this equation.
You’ve doubtless heard about self-care before. It’s only one of the most popular caregiving topics. It also falls into the category of ‘easier said than done.’
There are a few tricks, though – things that make self-care easier to pull off.
Realize That Self Care is Crucial
One of the biggest problems with self-care is guilt. It’s easy to feel bad about taking care of your needs when the person you’re supporting seems to have much larger and more urgent needs.
That sense of guilt can get stronger if the person you’re caring for is demanding and is only focused on their own needs.
Self-care is crucial because little things add up. Wants and needs like time for yourself, healthy food, relaxation, a treat now and again, an evening out, might seem like little things – but neglecting these things takes a toll. Your body and mind both need regular time to relax and unwind. Otherwise, you start to get stressed and overwhelmed. When that happens, you become less effective as a caregiver.
So, in the end, if you neglect yourself, you’re making things worse for you and the person you’re caring for. On the other hand, taking care of yourself well makes you more resilient and adaptable. You’re able to respond better when crises emerge. You can even make better decisions.
You might still feel guilty about self-care. Guilt is a natural emotion and it doesn’t always mean that you’re doing anything wrong.
If you’re struggling with the idea, we recommend looking into the field of self-compassion. We’ve written about this before or there are also some amazing self-compassion books by Kristin Neff, like this one.
Neff is even working on a new book, called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.
Be Wise With Self-Care
Self-care advice often says that caregivers need to put themselves first.
Honestly, that’s an absurd idea.
For one thing, if female caregivers actually put themselves first, most wouldn’t be caregivers to begin with. It’s no secret that caregiving can come with significant physical, emotional, and financial costs. Some effects might last a long time after the caregiving role has ended.
Putting yourself first when a loved one has urgent physical or emotional needs can feel cruel.
For example, if your family member deals with incontinence issues and has an accident, putting your need for time out first would make no sense at all. Similarly, it’s hard to take a trip away, even for a day, if your family member isn’t safe on their own.
Instead, you’ll need to be savvy.
Think about your wants and your needs. The things that matter, particularly the ones that you aren’t doing now. Common self-care needs include:
- Taking care of your physical health by seeing your doctor regularly, eating well, getting enough exercise, and getting enough sleep.
- Having regular social connection.
- Relaxing. Having time to relax is a need and an important one. Being on-to-go all the time is a sure-fire way to be stressed.
- Managing stress. Stress can easily get on top of you. Everyone needs outlets. Hobbies can be an important tool. Connecting with others helps as well. You might even turn to therapy, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Keeping your mental health in balance. Meditation, relaxation, mindfulness, and de-stressing techniques can all help here.
Then, think how those needs could be met. We don’t just mean the ideal solution. Get creative. Even just making things a little better is helpful.
Here are some ideas:
- Think about multiple ways to meet the same need. For example:
- Relaxing could include going for a walk, having a bath, meditating for 5-minutes, working in the garden, or reading a book. There are plenty of products that can help you to relax, like adult coloring books, bath bombs, and self-care journals.
- Social connection could involve meeting up with friends, having someone come over, joining a social support group, interacting with people of forums, having a Zoom conference, or just a phone call.
- Try taking naps during the day if sleeping the whole night isn’t possible or consider an alternate sleeping pattern.
- Be creative about solutions. For example:
- Think about online shopping. It might cost a little extra, but you can get the shopping set up any time of the day or night, rather than trying to get a shopping trip sorted.
- Look for easy-to-cook meals. Seriously. You can eat healthily every night without spending an hour in the kitchen.
- Look for ways to save time and energy. Any approaches that make life easier for you will help to decrease your stress. They’ll also give you more time for other needs.
- Look for help (and accept it!). One trick is to ask people for specific things. Look for tasks that match the person well and that aren’t overwhelming. For example, asking a friend to care for your family member might be too much, but many will be willing to fetch something for you or perhaps help with cleaning.
- Pay attention to your energy. Many tasks are easier and faster if you’re in the right frame of mind. Cleaning is like that. It can take forever when you’re not into it, but on the right day with the right music, it seems to take hardly any time at all.
Finally, take a good hard look at priorities. Some things in your life will be absolutes. They need to be done no matter what. Other things are more flexible. In fact, more things are flexible than you might expect.
Here are some tips:
- Think about your standards for cleaning. The home still needs to be healthy, of course, but many of us have higher standards than we need. For example, do the dishes need to be done after every meal or can they just be done once at the end of the day?
- If time is your biggest challenge, can you pay someone to help? We seriously considered hiring a cleaner when I was caregiving. Even just an hour or two of cleaning a week would have reduced my stress levels considerably.
- Set boundaries. Care recipients sometimes end up relying too heavily on the caregiver. When this happens, they might have you doing things that they could do for themselves. Setting boundaries can reduce the amount of work on your plate.
- Don’t take on the world. Caregiving is hard work on its own. Keep that in mind when you plan and commit to things.
Don’t forget about respite care either. There are various services that can give caregivers a break, including in-home respite services, short-term nursing home stays, and adult care center programs. Such services can provide you some space for yourself. Just be sure to use some of it to recharge. Doing so is crucial for staying on top of the game.
What about you?
Has COVID-19 made caregiving a harder task for you? What challenges are you facing and do you have any tips for other caregivers? We’d love to hear more about your experiences.
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